This week Fox News megastar Megyn Kelly made waves when she said that she’s not entirely sure she will stay with the
Republican propaganda news network after this year’s election. Kelly said in an interview that she’d have a lot less “stress” and “conflict” in her life if she wasn’t on Fox News anymore, to which the rest of the world said, “No fuckin’ shit, Megyn.” But this got my dumb little brain whirring. Where exactly could she go where she’d be respected? I mean as great as she was with Trump, she’s also been the crazy lady who got all bent out of shape over the idea of Black Santa and she never met a black victim of police brutality she couldn’t blame for the cop’s abuse. So it’s not like she doesn’t have a certain “journalistic reputation.”
But after much consideration and some brain chemical fuzzing, I came up with these 4 places Megyn Kelly should work next.
#4. Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory
Is there anyone in America with more experience helping to create things of pure fantasy than Megyn Kelly? She could help Willy and Charlie concoct confections such as Everlasting Bengazi-Pops and Fast and Furious Fudge Bites. Megyn was almost born to work at a place completely disconnected from anything the rest of us would recognize as reality.
You have probably never heard of Degelman unless you’re in the agriculture industry. But Degelman is a company that manufactures massive farm equipment like their “M” series manure spreader. I can see Megyn either being a Degelman’s greatest sales representative ever, because she’s helped sell conservatives some really high-grade bullshit, or even working with the engineering team. She clearly knows a thing or two about how to spread pure bullshit as far and wide as possible.
#2. Jim Henson’s Creature Shop
The thought of the dear, sweet Mupps and Megyn in the same room together — let alone working together — probably skeevs you out. It made me nearly vomit typing it, and I did actually have to run to the bathroom because a nasty case of diarrhea came on as I typed it, but…still…who better to work with a bunch of puppets than someone who was a puppet for the Republican Party and Roger Ailes than Ms. Kelly? See? I rest my nearly vomiting, definitely diarrhea-ing case.
#1. The Republican National Committee