A couple weeks ago I gave you all five ways to troll, resist, and mess with President-Elect Donald Trump on his weaponized social media platform of choice — Twitter.
There is no doubt that if you consider yourself even remotely progressive, liberal, or even libtarded, the next four to eight years are going to be rough. It’s bad enough that the Iraq War, Bush Tax Cuts, Trickle Down party is back in power, they did so by foisting a rich, entitled, out of touch, oligarchic shart in a suit on us to boot.
Since I made that list, some more embarrassing stuff has come out about Trump, and it would be pissing away a good opportunity to give you five more things to bust Trump’s (possibly) urine soaked balls about. All you need is a Twitter account. You don’t even have to follow the alleged billionaire to get off a couple smart ass remarks or two. Let me know what you think of my ideas, and if you have any of your own, leave them in the comments.
#5. Tweet Internet “Pornography” Links Tagged “Golden Showers” To Him
You might find this hard to believe — what with the ED ads you’re probably seeing on this page (bills are hard to pay without cash money) — but the very same Internet that you’re reading this on also contains what we in the biz call “pornography.” Something tells me, and I don’t know what this something might be so PLEASE, PLEASE don’t ask me…that Donald Trump would be at least mildly interested in pornographic materials that feature adult ladies urinating upon older, rich men. Extra points if the man is maybe mildly racist and a cartoon villain.
Tweet that shit to him every damn day.
#4. Tweet Him Questions Asking How To Pronounce Things In Russian
Hey, @realdonaldTrump, quick question.
How do you say "illegitimate" in Russian?#AskingForaComrade
— James Schlarmann (@JamboSchlarmbo) January 19, 2017
Something tells me that the Russia-Trump story isn’t going away any time soon. I get a distinctly Watergate Break-in vibe from the story of Russian hackers working to help get Trump elected. But even if that’s just a bunch of noise in the intelligence signal, so what? This man was a birther and trolled President Obama for years over a racist rumor. Turnabouts is fair play. I say every day that he’s in office, people should be asking him for advice on how to pronounce stuff in Russian.
#3. Tweet Him Pictures Of Crowd Size Comparisons Between His Inauguration And The Women’s March
He’ll never admit it, but he doesn’t really have to because his tweets and behavior at the CIA monument say it for him. President Trump hates the fact that more people protested him in D.C. than were there to witness him being elected. Trump is better suited for a dictatorship, because he clearly cannot handle how a free society functions in terms of their right to criticize, mock, and deride their president. Poor him. But also, fuck him. So every day take some time to tweet him comparisons between his crowd and the protest crowd…believe me, he’s one douche who thinks size really does matter.
#2. Tweet Him The Most Unflattering Pictures Of Himself You Can Find
The vanity of this man knows no bounds. Shortly after being elected, he held a meeting with big media types and one of the things he actually took the time to bitch about was the press using unflattering photos of him. Yes, he has that much free fucking time that he can fixate on which picture people in the media use of him. So you know what? I think we should send the bewigged bloviator the most unflattering, ugly, unphotogenic pictures of him we can find. The easiest way to do this is to go to Google and type, “Donald Trump.”
#1. Remind Him In Daily/Hourly/By The Minute Tweets That He Lost The Popular Vote In Historic Fashion
I will never stop harping on this subject as long as he is in office. The Electoral College screwed the American people in 2000 with George W. Bush and it triple dirty dog fucked us with Donald Trump. Did you know that one in eight Americans lives in California? For the next four years, the will of the majority living in the state with that many people that also has the sixth largest economy in the world is meaningless. Though it’s much less meaningless when you can troll Donald Trump every damn day about how badly he lost the popular vote…so silver linings I guess?
Hey @POTUS! How's your Tuesday been? GREAT! Just a quick reminder: You lost the popular vote by the widest margin of any president ever. <3
— James Schlarmann (@JamboSchlarmbo) January 24, 2017
Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.