5 Reasons You Should Not Vote for Bernie Sanders

People all over the political spectrum are worried about the candidacy of Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT). He represents a populist shift in American politics, and judging by the enormous success of his grassroots campaign so far, the establishment has a right to be concerned. There are of course any number of reasons that one might decide to cast a vote for Sanders, but Berners beware! Our intensive research, performed by our top team of researchers, has come up with five reasons you should not vote for Bernie Sanders, and you should do yourself the favor of reading them over and committing them to memory.

#5. You Think Rich People Don’t Have it Quite Easy Enough in This Country

It’s no big secret that Bernie plans to pay for his proposals in large part by raising taxes. One area he plans on raising taxes is on capital gains taxes, which would certainly impact the wealthier families in this country more so than the middle class. The investor class is worried though, that if you raise their taxes they might not be able to afford that second or third home they had their eye on. If we go and ask them for a few more pennies on their dollar, they might just decide to up and leave this country, because that’s what patriots do when their fellow citizens ask them to pay a little more in taxes (that they can totally afford) — they abandon them.

If you know that rich people are the most important people in America, you won’t vote for Senator Sanders.

#4. You Think Education is for Pussies and Liberals

A big part of Senator Sanders’ plan for America involves making education “free” for students up to their first couple years of Junior College. But why on Earth would we invest in smarter people? Who needs education when you can just go slave away working four or five minimum wage jobs. Then, and only then, can you go to college. I mean, good luck finding the time and money to scrape together to afford it, but hey, it’s better than expecting to get a good education so you can support yourself, you hippie!

#3. You Think Corporations Have It Too Hard and Aren’t Making Enough Money Yet

One of the biggest ways Bernie is proposing to pay for his proposals is to close loopholes on corporate taxes. Conservatives will remind us though, that taxes here in America are high, even though we know a whole shit-ton of super-profitable companies are in fact not paying any taxes. In fact, in 2014 we know that at least 15 of the Fortune 500 companies paid zero taxes, but do you really think that means they’re not paying their fair share in taxes, just because they’re literally not paying any taxes? What kind of libtard are you? Life in America will never be great until corporations and the One Percent own every single dollar out there, and if you vote for Bernie, you’re basically saying you want those 15 companies to pay taxes, you cold hearted jerk!

#2. You’re All Like, “War? That’s Totes Dope Rad!”

A vote for Sanders is a vote for a guy who was right about the Iraq War invasion. Now, ask yourself, do you really want someone in charge of our troops if they aren’t willing to put them in harm’s way for profit? Is that really American? Does that really display our values — showing prudence and caution when discussing military options? Diplomacy is great and all, but if you vote for Bernie, you might be voting for a guy who won’t start wars of choice! What in the hell will our military do with itself? Like, help people instead of blowing them up? Pfffft.

#1. You’ve Never Been Outside This Country So You’re Sure Democratic Socialism Could Never Work

If you’re like a lot of Americans, you’ve never set foot in a Democratically Socialist country. So that’s why you know it won’t work; your politicians and pundits have told you so. I mean, look at those damn socialists in Great Britain! They’re always on the brink of collapse. Ditto Germany. Oh, and that other country with those Democratically Socialist programs like Social Security, Medicare, and the largest military in the world paid for by the taxpayers entirely…what’s the name of it again, the Shmunited Shmates of Shmumerica or something? Anyway, socialism is bad because you know it’s bad, and no amount of facts, evidence, or historical data will sway you, because you’re smart and discerning!

But hey, maybe you need more convincing:

5 Ways Bernie Sanders’ Agenda Will RUIN America

5 Reasons You’re the Worst Person Ever for Supporting Bernie Sanders

Comments

comments

About James Schlarmann 1446 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
  • who me?!

    I am going to vote for hillery because she is going to be our first women president.

    • Warrior KM

      Lool dumbest reason I’ve heard all day. But this is the reasoning behind most Hillary supporters. #Accurate.

      • AfterMe_TheDeluge

        You want accuracy, but you call yourself “Warrior”? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        • Warrior KM

          It’s obvious that you are a paid HilLIARY troll, so give it up before I begin to post facts about the Clintons that I’m sure you don’t want anyone to find out.

          • Peter W. Martin

            indeed they are , Discus is a Troll for Hillary , Idiots that want us to Vote for Hillary NON – reasonable idiotic reasoning . Some of us are deprogramed and ready to kick all the corruption and collusion liing dirty rotten finks out of OUR whitehouse , to think you want a 45 year Political Career Criminal in the Oval office , clearly you are a BIG PART of the Problem with America Today . I will vote for gender is the stupidest reason any’one could come up with . Ignorant or just plain old STUPIDITY , who sings your cheque , Koch or Monsanto ? Yeah you , who me !

      • Susan Rising

        Why not they thought voting for a father and son was quaint and how did that turn out? People need to vote their own self interest but they don’t know what that is because of all the propaganda and dis-information. They are too lazy to look up her voting record or her actions as SOS. It’s tab browsing folk a new tab and a few key strokes is all it takes. Use Boolean algebra when keying in search criteria don’t rely on Google.

    • Susan Rising

      The republican congress and senate intend to indict her after the convention decimating the party if Hillary get the nod. Don’t be fooled the Republicans aren’t worried about Bernie they are counting on voters and propaganda to take him down. We cannot let this happen or the republic fails. The constitution must be changed to stop the obstructionism and move the country forward to representation of the people for the people by the people.

  • Tommy Vukovic

    “…facts, evidence, or historical data will sway you, because you’re smart and discerning!”

    How’re the huge personal and VAT taxes, waiting times, suicide rates, anti-depressant usage and alcoholism going in Scandanvia? Or the low corporate tax rates and business freedom? Or even the fact that those countries themselves are telling Bernie to stop calling them Democratic Socialists.

    Good old Venezuela is going well with its’ Socialism too…. all that starvation and economic collapse :/ Oh I forgot…that’s not real Socialism!

    Great satire in the article but I think it’s Socialists that ignore history, data and facts.

    I hope Bernie gets elected and puts in all of his policies, so that when the US feels just how destructive Socialism is, no one will support Socialism for 100 years….no matter what prefix you attach to it to make it sound new and appealing.

  • Giggity

    The only Disaster has been huge numbers of idiots voting Libtards into Office but that will change Soon

  • Tony Stephens

    Have you thought about the ramifications of “Even if it doesn’t work” ? Failure on Bernie’s part will surely result in a depression (not recession), the likes of which the world has never seen. This next depression will make the Great Depression look like a picnic. I would much rather see a recession and market correction than what will result if Bernie tries to install his economic programs.

    • HenryT2

      You mean like a Republican congress that has obstructed for 6 years? Do you notice that the country has not fallen apart? The president actually has very little power other than to obstruct. His biggest powers are the those of sending our troops into battle and his veto power. It’s supposed to be congress that actually makes laws and pushes the country forward.

      This country has tried things the conservative way for the last 30 years and it has only improved life for the richest 1% of our country. The rest of the country is not doing any better than it was when Reagan first took office. It’s time to try something new.

      • The Real Harry Lime

        Really? My life’s better now than it was back then. Average life expectancy is over 6 years more than it was in 1980.

        • HenryT2

          It’s pretty much the same all over the world. That has nothing to do with politics and everything to do with medical science and changing cultures (not smoking, for instance). If anything, the new conservative philosophy of distrusting science has slowed everything down.

          I notice you want to talk averages about life expectancy but want to revert back to personal anecdotal evidence when it comes to money which has not gotten better for the middle class on average. You must be a white conservative because you only talk statistics when they support your arguments and ignore them or make them part of a big liberal conspiracy when they aren’t (which is 90% of the time).

          • The Real Harry Lime

            Nothing to do with politics? Tax policy is set by people that are elected via people elected by the political process. Advancements in medicine are the result of growth in the private medical sector, and tax policy that encourages investment. You’ll notice the vast majority of breakthroughs in medicine the last 30 years have come from the US. And those advancements are then adopted by other countries, hence “the same around the world”.

            It’s hard to quantify such a subjective manner, so I used one of the few easily quantifiable statistics representative of things improving. If you’ve got better ones, let me know.

            As for you assuming I’m a “white conservative”- that’s awfully strange. What does race have to do with it at all? That’s quite an assumption. And I’m not a “conservative” but moderate, but since this is obviously a left-wing echo chamber of a website, I might as well be Pat Robertson to everybody here.
            I’m not sure what use it is trying to introduce any sense of nuance here; your rant about liberal conspiracies, which came out of nowhere, with no relation to what had previously been mentioned, suggests you might be a bit unhinged, and probably unwilling to consider any point of view that doesn’t cater to your confirmation bias.

    • Michael Wallingford

      Feel the Bern! and state our sources on the “facts” you presented.

    • Susan Rising

      Democratic Socialism works, leave the United States and go fine out. Four out of five of the happiest nations on earth are Democratic Socialist Republics with thriving economies and high employment rates, higher speed internet at a much lower costs, much cheaper utility costs, cell phone costs, water and food costs because companies aren’t allowed monopolies and windfall profits. Our country has done everything (including assassinations) to undermine socialist societies because money and power want more money and power. The strong will always dominate the weak, so take their power away. Money and power to them are like Samson’s hair, lets give them a trim. The depression will come when they withdraw their money from small business but they did that after getting trillions in bailouts and giving themselves big bonuses so lets bite the bullet now and stop this boom bust cycle once and for all.

    • dennis

      One point. Never before has Democratic Socialism been implemented with the undergirding of the U. S. Constitution. What a beautiful couple they do make.

  • infamouscrimes

    Wow liberals are dumb.

    • Warrior KM

      Lool

    • Peter W. Martin

      The dumbest thing is to label oneself . Sanders is an Political and Civil Rights Activist , Its not “about me its about us ” is his Mantra . Now your going to saying he is a commie and socialism is communism probably . So before you start you continue be rude and insulting , take a good look in the mirror and you will see DUMB up close .

  • William Head

    In 1955 it took 127 hours of work to earn enough money to buy a TV. In 2013, only 20 hours. Is this due to Socialism? Ask a Cuban. Otherwise, Schlarmann, spare me your brain-dead liberal snark. It isn’t a subsitiute for a reasoned argument.

    • who me?!

      A TV is a horrible indicator of such. Especially since the technology has advanced so much. How about using an essential product whose making hasn’t seen significant technological or mechanical productivity increases. How about gold? How about bread? Eggs? Milk? Houses?

      • Peter W. Martin

        Stupidest thing I ever read William Head , thanks for the laugh , you liing FOOL .

  • dukiepie

    Bernie doesn’t have a clothing line produced in China

  • Angela

    I used to say I’d leave the country if Trump won. Now I think I’ll leave just if Bernie doesn’t.

    • Peter W. Martin

      Believe it or not , I have a dear friend , who’s Grandson was born in Canada , who is making arrangements to have her Grandson come live in Canada already .

  • Peter W. Martin

    Henry , what is not doable about Bernies Platform in your opinion ? I may be able to clarify with facts , if anything , Bernie Sanders has been low balling the impacts of all the changes that would occur . Robert Reich backs him and that says a lot , Despite the propoganda Machine Top Elite Owned owned Media says . Its not only Do-able on all counts , It will be easaly Do-able if he gets the support in Congress , best thing is , Bernie Sanders has backers on both sides of the floor .

    • HenryT2

      “…easaly[easily] Do-able if he gets the support in Congress”

      That’s exactly the hard part. The system is broken. You can’t just change one part of an engine that’s falling apart while it’s running. Ten more parts break while you’re fixing one. Then, then the part you just fixed is damaged by the engine itself. The whole system needs a reboot.

      However, Bernie understands that. Finally, someone is using the ‘R’-word. “REVOLUTION”. We’re not talking armed rebellion, of course, but he understands without throwing out the old guard enmasse, nothing is going to change. But though Bernie has done remarkably well, he would be lucky to get elected let alone usher in this revolution. He will be a political martyr. And maybe that’s what we need.

      But he won’t actually be able to do anything he wants. The president has 4 primary powers: War powers, veto powers, and nominating judges. None of these powers allow him to do any of what he proposes. I trust him to wield these other powers well, but he won’t get the support he needs to do a tenth of what he wants to do.

      But he MAY be able to bring the conversation back from where the far right has pulled it. Again, that’s not accomplishing anything he actually wants, but it’ll be good for the country.

      • Susan Rising

        one third of the house and senate are up for re-election throw them all out democrats and republican that will send a strong message of the people’s will and give Bernie a mandate to lead. Yes he can do it with our help and commitment to hold the line.

        • HenryT2

          The chance of that happening is about as mathematically close to zero as you are going to get in the real world.

  • Pingback: 5 Reasons You're the Worst Person Ever for Supporting Bernie Sanders()

  • Pingback: 5 Ways Bernie Sanders' Agenda Will RUIN America()

  • Samuel Chuck

    Soooo… A bunch of Strawmen?
    Because apparently
    1) the only way someone could be against raising taxes if if you hate the poor and love the rich (not because I realize they already pay the lion’s share of taxes. Go ahead, look it up. They pay more per dollar than any other class, even the Middle.)
    2) the only way I could be against state-run and funded education is that I hate knowledge and schools (not because the Federal Gov’t has made mandatory free public high school virtually useless)
    3) The only way I could be against raising corporate taxes is if I want those corporations to take away all of my money (not because there’s more effective ways to break corporate trust and strangleholds, or because the US Gov’t is the only entity that actually grants monopolies via regulation)
    4) the only way I could be against war is by voting for Bernie Sanders (who has repeatedly voted to spend trillions on bomber development and voted to fund the clusterf**k over there in the middle east)
    5) the only way I could be against National Socialism is because I haven;t experienced it firsthand… OR because I have? I;m not sure what point you;re trying to make at this point, But Imma just point at Venezuela’s current state of affairs and France, yes FRANCE of all people, ,had to back off of their National Socialism because all of their top earners were leaving.)

    You are the fruit of The John Stewart generation of political debate. Snide remarks and cheap sarcastic strawmen have replaced actual discussion of the issues.

    • Peter W. Martin

      Bravo well said , Samual Chuck . And by the way , Bernies Sanders one payer health care plan , will save every American Family 1200$ . But Keep in mind , every American family does include The very wealthy people to , I say this as 1200$ per family is based on all familes , lower bracket families will save MUCH more , Middle Class Families will save the Most . Eliminate the top 25 % from the equation , and you get a whopping , 5000$ or more for each family , the only exception are the Poorest families , even though the will be getting other Taxes credits and benifits that will put more money in their pockets for sure . Obama care certainly doesn’t help the poorest in the least , its ony taking more of their earnings .

      ……. Higher PUBLIC Education plan is to get Wall Street to pay for it with a Taxe on trades , and before The richest speculators start pouting , the special education taxe rate is less then .00003% on the dollar of trades . It will NOT hurt anybody or wall street trading in other words , I know the rich are penny savers , so I have no pity for them at all . Oligarchian ruled nations = Corporate Elite + Gouverment owned by them = FASCISM . MASS Media in all its forms in America is ALL owned and operated not only by the elite 1% but by the top of the Elite 1%’ers , what works best for the top Elite , is to Devide peoples in any given Nation , Create racism , Bigotry , and mayhem . The second main target of the Top Elite 1%’ers is to misinform and to keep people as Ignorant as humanly possible , backing hate groups is nothing new to them . Education itself is all geared to keep people ignorant , even History classes are deliberatly been manipulated to fit their Agenda , Their Goal , to Control the world and theose people that survive . …….. ( so much more can be said about all the manipulating by the Elite 1% , like 45 families own 50% of the WORLDS wealth in money and gold and much more )

      this is wrongly writen : ” 4) the only way I could be against war is by voting for Bernie Sanders (who has repeatedly voted to spend trillions on bomber development and voted to fund the clusterf**k over there in the middle east) ” Bernie voted AGAINST *and predicted all that is happening that Iraq War has produced , which lead to all the turmoil now ,as The Elite are financing ALL the terrorist groups know today . And have been lending their money to countries at a HIGH interest rate to BOTH sides of all conflicts for the last 2 centuries . The Industrial War Complex is all owned ( mostly ) by the 1%’ers who own ALL the Major Banks , except those in Communist Countries .

      America IS a socialist country and has been for a long long time , except , America are cut off THE best benifits of socialism that has been blocked by the Tea Party , Republicans , Oligarchians , benifiting their FINANCIAL intake and best interest , fleecing American peoples money right from under their noses . And SO want the TPP to pass , if it passes , its game over for the people of America , slave wages will be the norm to compete with slave wage Nations all over the world , most terrible thing about the TPP , look who they want to sign the partnership deal with ( mostly all the slave wage asian Nations ) .

      Unfortunetly I must go to work , but I will be back , to check out all the other post in here soon . Peace peoples .

  • HenryT2

    If I filter out the foul language all I’m getting is “Duhhhh…” Is that what you were trying to say?

Twitter Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com