It looks like absolutely nobody wants to be the vice president on a ticket with Donald Trump. Well, not anyone with any sense or a future in politics. We know that Sarah Palin would hop on that ticket and ride the burning dumpster all the way to the end – if it meant getting a new reality show or selling a few thousand more books.
But, I said people with sense or a political future. So who would have nothing left to lose and join Donald Trump as his vice president? Since Donald Trump was asking for suggestions from his fans at a rally, I had a few ideas today as I was drinking some beers and fishing, so hear me out.
5. Ben Carson: Nobody seems to enjoy playing the bumbling sidekick to Donald Trump more than Ben Carson. In fact, Ben Carson is more like an abused dog that follows along behind Trump, hoping to pick up a few scraps in exchange for his misguided devotion to the man who compared him to a child molester.
4. David Duke: If Donald Trump hasn’t completely wrapped up the racist Southern evangelical trailer park vote, what better choice than the former KKK leader to convince Mississippi and Louisiana voters that he really does want to make America white again? In the event that doesn’t quite sell them, a few burning crosses along I-10 and I-20 should seal the deal.
3: The reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan: Ok, so I’m not actually suggesting Trump dig up Reagan and drag him around on the campaign trail, but maybe a hologram would work? Lincoln and Eisenhower would certainly refuse, although I think Reagan would think he was back on the set with a feces-slinging primate in Hollywood.
2: Kanye West: If anyone matches the narcissistic ego and relentless need for attention that Donald Trump has, it’s Kanye West. Sure, they’ll fight over who had the greatest campaign slogan of all time and jockey for attention from the media. It might score Trump a few votes from the black community…oh OK, I’m kidding, it won’t.
1: Cthulhu: Two malevolent entities on the same ticket? I’m sold. He’s already endorsed Donald Trump, and this is the ticket to drive America to perfect madness. Hell, we’re almost there already.
If you have any suggestions to add to this list, please let me know in the comments.