Bigoted Dumb-Shit Americans or, “Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”

American Bigots are probably the number one reason why life sucks in this country for so many people.

It was bigots who kept slavery alive for nearly a hundred years after our nation’s birth. It was discriminatory, unevolved men who kept women from voting until almost a quarter of the way through the last century. It was bigots who kept Jim Crow alive and well in the South, and it’s bigots who are trying to keep their feet on the necks of the LGBTQ and immigrant populations today. It’s always the bigots in every generation making life suck more than cleaning up after a Russian piss whore show.

In 2013 the Roberts Supreme Court gutted the seminal Voting Rights Act of 1965, ostensibly arguing that racism is so diminished in America today that there’s no need for the federal government to oversee certain historical hot spots of bigotry anymore. The biting irony of that decision was made all the more bitter by the Trayvon Martin/George Zimmerman, Michael Brown, Philando Castile, and Tamir Rice cases. All of these incidents seemed to prove that as long as a police officer is “feeling threatened,” it’s open season on young black males in certain states.

If racism really were a thing of the past, then we wouldn’t be hear about morons in Minneapolis who holding Nazi-Themed dinners at a German restaurants. The restaurant in question was Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit, and even though in German that essentially means a “place where all are welcome,” they apparently had no problem hosting a dinner where everyone was dressed as people who literally murdered millions of people because they were not welcome in the slightest.

nazifucks

Historical society member and attendee of the dinner, Jon Boroom said of the party, “If you wear a German uniform or a Nazi uniform, it’s not like you’re saying ‘I think Hitler was super cool’ or ‘I hate Jews’ or ‘I hate gays’ or ‘I hate democrats.'”

Except you’re not exactly saying you hate Hitler and think the Nazis were douchebags if you’re photographed smiling your Aryan face off while dressed in a Nazi uniform, are you? Also, there was no news that this was done in a spoofing, or satirical way. Boroom piled on the derp as he continued, “You’re not there because you believe in what Hitler stood for — you’re there to educate people about history, and a lot of that is so people don’t forget.” Funny, I sort of feel like forgetting the Holocaust isn’t really going to happen anytime soon, with or without jackasses dressing up as the very barbarous assholes who perpetrated it.




All the furor over removing confederate monuments shows just how deeply ingrained racists are in our popular culture. We turn a blind eye to Robert E. Lee’s treachery because he only reluctantly joined the confederacy. Just a few weeks ago, torch bearing white supremacists were out in force to intimidate people protesting one such confederate monument. Last year I chronicled the abuse I got on Twitter from Nazi trolls.

John Roberts should try having a vaguely Jewish looking name and an opinion on Twitter sometime and see if he thinks racism is dead.

What do you call someone who describes all poor people as if they were black? What do you call someone who calls every single Mexican immigrant a rapist, drug dealer, or worse — besides “President,” of course? What do you call someone who insists that gay people are just living a chosen lifestyle and that somehow means they aren’t entitled to civil liberties, even though Christianity is every bit the chosen lifestyle that homosexuality is absolutely not?

The answer to all those questions is: A bigot. And what do you call a bigot who also writes laws that codify their bigotries? A Republican.

Interestingly enough, right-wing groups in this country freak the fuck out when you boycott or criticize businesses who practice discrimination. Apparently to them, the free market is only for forcing us to help poor people less, and not for making our opinions of disgusting behavior known to corporate shareholders. It’s truly hypocritical when we remember the “We Support Chik-Fil-A” day.

The nuts and bolts of discrimination and bigotry for Republican politicians are basically summed up thus: As long as conservatives are the ones practicing the bigotry or discrimination it’s a God-given, Constitutionally-protected right for them to do so, and they will go to whatever lengths they have to in order to keep that right to hurt others in place. This includes simply telling their voters that discrimination doesn’t really exist.

The equation works like this: Racism doesn’t exist and so we don’t need any special programs or laws to protect you, but should you encounter racism or another form of bigotry and discrimination you should just “find another baker” or “find another florist” as conservative pundit Rich Lowry once said. Because they’re so damned compassionate, those conservatives, aren’t they?

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About James Schlarmann 1408 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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