Conservaderps Think Banning Words From The CDC Makes Things Disappear

From now on, any time I hear a conservative complain that liberals are “fascists” because they protest people like Milo and Ann Coulter and are therefore anti-free speech, I’m going to throw this next story in their face. I may fart in their direction too, depending on how sassy I feel. But for sure I’m going to wave the story of King Fuhrer Trump forbidding the Centers for Disease Control from using the words “fetus,” “transgender,” “diversity,” “science-based,” “vulnerable,” “entitlement” and “evidence-based.”

No, really, that’s what they did at the end of the week. The Trump administration loves to sneak these backwards, regressive, dumbshit policy decisions in at the end of a long week of Twitter tantrums and nonsense. Like we won’t notice that they’ve ordered a non-partisan agency whose only real task is to keep us from dying from horrible illnesses to not use words in the English language. But, here we are, at the intersection of stupidity and religiosity.

Here’s a little bit on the The Washington Post’s scoop on this story, explained by Yahoo! since The Post has a paywall.

CDC policy analysts were reportedly informed of the forbidden words in a 90-minute meeting in Atlanta on Thursday with senior CDC officials. The other banned words are “vulnerable,” “entitlement” and “evidence-based,” according to the Post, citing an unnamed policy analyst. The meeting was led by a senior member of the CDC’s Office of Financial Services. She didn’t know why the words were forbidden and said she was merely relaying information, the Post reported. (Yahoo!)

So let’s get this straight, folks. The side of the aisle that claims to hate it when Big Bad Government does literally anything, claiming it’s “overreach” or “tyranny” or “fascism” or “dictatorship,” just had its presidential administration order a bunch of scientists and doctors not to use words, actual words that apply and have meaning, context, and import, because those words hurt their ideology-driven feelings.

And. They. Call. Us. Snowflakes.

The best part? All they’re doing is changing words so that the terms don’t offend their precious base’s feelings. They’re directing smart people to dumb their work down, why? Because their base thinks that life begins at erection, partially. And because their base has decided in their infinite stupidity that things like science or left-wing, libtarded conspiracies.

Instead of the words “science-based” or “evidence-based,” analysts were told they could use instead: The “CDC bases its recommendations on science in consideration with community standards and wishes,” the newspaper reported. (Yahoo!)

And before some slack-jaw yells at me about “all presidents get to direct the CDC,” here’s one more tidbit you should know.

The Post’s source could not recall a previous time in any other administration when words were forbidden. (Yahoo!)

What I love about this story is how pluperfect the craven, cynical and naked political motivations are. There’s no doubt why they’re doing this. If the government doesn’t say “trangender,” clearly that means they don’t exist right? It’s a gross and not-at-all subtle way of completely dehumanizing people. This is no different than if Jeff Davis had ordered the Confederate CDC to eliminate “African Americans” or “Freed Slaves” from their lexicon.

For a bunch of patriots who claim to love liberty and freedom so much they fuck their cousins with the same names, religious conservatives sure do hate seeing people use their freedom and liberty to be who they want to be.

To me, though, the most hilarious thing about this, and you have to find hilarity in vile, anti-American, anti-Christian bigotry or you end up killing yourself from the despair, is that these are the same people who want us to believe in supply side economics. The very same people who tell us to ignore math and just pretend that lack of tax revenue means we all prosper are also pretending that not saying certain words makes those people go away.

I have some tough words for the fuckfaces supporting this move: You’re too late. The cat’s out of the bag. The rest of the country, you know — the 65% of us who think your orange-faced dipshit president is a corrupt, inept, unfit douchebag — are devoted to protecting every American, not just the ones you erroneously believe Jesus Christ would want you to favor.

There’s nothing really funny about any of this, but I will say this, in conclusion. The forces of regression always lose. Always. Because when your arguments are pinned to mythology and feelings instead of reality, you end up losing to reality more often than not. The hope is that we are able to fix this moronic decision before too much damage is done.

This country needs an enema.

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About James Schlarmann 1489 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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