It Took Negative 16 Days Into His Presidency For China To Get Tired Of Trump’s Twitter Bullshit

Maybe we are headed toward the brink of disaster, with Donald Trump leading the country, in about two weeks’ time, but I have to say…at least it’s going to be one hell of an entertaining buggy ride through Hell.

In what has to be some kind of new record for humanity, Trump has drawn rebuke from a foreign power after an astounding -16 days in office. That’s right: For his twitter rants, Trump has already pissed off the Chinese government and he’s still more than two weeks away from being sworn in. The New York Times reported on a message sent to Trump via the country’s state-run media outlet.

Xinhua, the state news agency, has more or less asked Mr. Trump to shut up. “An obsession with ‘Twitter foreign policy’ is undesirable,” read the headline of a Xinhua commentary on Tuesday about Mr. Trump’s posts. (source)

I was starting to think that people all over the world were going to have to get used to this new normal, where the leader of the free world blasts out policy in 140 character snippets, but it’s nice to see at least the Chinese government knows how stupid that is. Don’t get me wrong, I love Twitter. It’s great for communicating quickly with all kinds of people, but it’s not an arena in which you should conduct serious business or international relations — any toddler can see. Which may explain why Trump doesn’t see it.

The best part is that China obviously sees him and his Twitter account like a tantrum and the adolescent throwing it. The Times further quoted Xinhua, below.

“Everyone recognizes the common sense that foreign policy isn’t child’s play, and even less is it like doing business deals,” said the article, published after Mr. Trump’s latest barbed comments on China. (source)

Can we please all just point and laugh at Trump now? What an absolute farce. Republicans have spent nearly a decade making fun of Obama’s foreign policy chops, even going so far as to say he was an embarrassment to the country, and now we have this Apricot Pol Pot sparking international uproar before he’s even officially president. Just imagine the scoffing and guffawing at Fox News if Obama had been rebuked by China like this. They’d call for his goddamned impeachment over it.

No matter how you slice it though, China has obviously already done their homework on Herr Trump, and they’ve got his number.

“Issuing tweets has become a habit for Mr. Trump,” Xinhua noted. Mr. Trump, it said, appeared to assume that “issuing hard-line comments and taking up sensitive issues may perhaps add to his chips for negotiating with other countries.” (source)

That last quote is the nicest way I’ve ever seen someone called an “asshole bully” in my life. It’s too bad Donny doesn’t have a tenth of the diplomacy it takes to respond in kind, and will probably just make another blustery tweet about currency manipulation or whatever. I’m not saying that China doesn’t play games, but even George W. Bush had the sense to be at least a smidge ambassadorial with them. Which brings up something that’s pretty important, ironic, tragic, and hilarious all at once.

I remember thinking that our foreign policy under Dubya was somewhere between “ridicustupidumblame” and “insane, cackling cowboy war monger pieces of shit.” Now I realize there’s another step after that, which is terrifically frightening. The Trump Doctrine at this point seems to be the worst parts of the Bush Doctrine on steroids, or given Trump’s propensity for sniffing and snorting, perhaps coke.




It probably wouldn’t worry me so much if I didn’t see how badly things went with the Iraq War. That was a war effort started in a more esoteric, old school era. It was before Twitter. Just imagine if Cheney could’ve been blasting lies about yellow cake and aluminum tubes out to millions of his followers every day. Imagine how much more quickly he could’ve started that war. We’re headed for another Bush era in foreign policy, except the main difference is that we won’t have the intellect and intelligence that group had.

And yes, I realize what I just typed; it’s too bad the sarcasm font here at Modern Liberals is broken.

Of course, the most amazing part in all of this will be when Republicans wake up and realize they’ve been massive hypocrites about Obama for eight years. When they see how terrible Trump is at being a statesman, and when his hot headed temper and legendary hubris get someone killed, they’ll demand he be removed from office for being every bit as incompetent as they accused Obama of being. And then, on that glorious day, neocons everywhere will see the error of their thinking, and never again will a “shoot first and aim later” approach to foreign policy be enacted in this great land.

Oh, sorry, I had just slipped on a dildo and hit my head on the pavement before I typed that last paragraph. None of that bullshit has any remote chance at happening. This is America. Introspection and reflection are for pussies, and change is for libtarded pussies.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1176 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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