Clown Car Pile Up: Trump Just Called Cruz a ‘Pussy.’

Why does Donald Trump keep doing things that make me think he is a better troll than the Internet was ever ready for? Dude just straight-up called Ted Cruz a “pussy.” Well, okay so he quoted a supporter at a rally and then mock-chided her so technically he backhandedly called Cruz a pussy. And yes, I know I write a lot of made-up shit we call satire, but this is a legit story, as reported by The Hill. 

“She just said a terrible thing,” Trump said, stopping his own remarks at the arena in Manchester and pointing out a woman in the audience, beckoning her to raise her voice.
“You know what she said? Shout it out, ’cause I don’t want to,” Trump continued. “OK, you’re not allowed to say – and I never expect to hear that from you again – she said … he’s a pussy.” (source)
There are times, and this is one of those moments, where you just sort of have to let the moment speak for itself.

At this point, I am not going to be surprised when he calls Jeb Bush a cunt at the next debate. Truly, I have no idea how genuine a word that comes out of his mouth is, but he has not only helped crash the Republican Clown car into a ditch; he put each candidate in their own clown car and caused a massive pile-up. Every single one of them has been so afraid to attack him that they’ve gotten stuck to his hip ideologically. Now he’s literally bullying them, they’re cracking, and I’d bet a lot of money his poll numbers will surge in the next few days as this story catches fire…and it will definitely catch fire.


This is the kind of rhetoric that you just don’t hear in politics in America. It’s hard to even call it rhetoric; it’s not. It’s just straight up trash talk. Sure, Trump essentially let his supporter take the fall — the honorable, presidential man that he is, but he did pretty much just, in the middle of a presidential primary election, call a competitor a pussy. Unbelievable. This is something you really cannot picture any other candidate in either party ever doing.

I wrote a satirical piece last year about Trump sending a box of dog shit to Carly Fiorina. It was crass as fuck, of course. But the point was that Trump is the embodiment of crass. And the thing is, he’ll say that he’s just “not PC” and his supporters will love him for it. Hell, some otherwise moderate Republicans may go for him now just because they’ve been conditioned to think of morons trying to censor comics on college campuses with not using racial epithets for team sports nicknames anymore.

All I know is that I would give a really large some of money to be one place right now — Reince Preibus’ office. I bet when he makes a statement about this he has a black eye from trying to slap himself awake from the nightmare of Donald Trump running away with the three ring circus Priebus has helped cultivate from the ashes of the Party of Lincoln. I just want to hear how frantically he’s freaking out right now. It must be delicious.

The GOP will reap the derp the it has sewn.

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About James Schlarmann 1430 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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