This Is A Big Fucking Deal: CNN’s Reporting That Russia Has Dirt On Trump And He Knows It

I try really hard not to be “that guy” just because I founded a hard-left leaning blog and buy into every story and theory that implicate President-Elect Trump in one nefarious way or another. I’ve always tried to make my “coverage” of American politics — both satire and commentary — based on reported truth and fact, and not supposition and wishful thinking. But after reading CNN’s bombshell exclusive report that intelligence officials briefed Trump on Russia’s ability to gather dirt on him, I’m growing more and more hopeful for his impeachment and removal from office.

There are a few things about CNN’s report that should be dug into by investigative journalists before Trump can sink his hooks into the First Amendment. The free press will be vital in uncovering what Trump knew and when he knew it — which was the seminal theme of another Republican president’s demise if memory serves. If what’s in the report from CNN is true, there can be no doubt that Trump is compromised and can and will be easily turned into the Kremlin’s puppet baby boy bitch, and regardless of politics, that shouldn’t be cool with anyone living in this country, not if the idea of sovereignty means anything anyway.

For starters, we need to know what dirt the Russians have on Trump. Per CNN the Russians are the ones claiming to have the dirt. This is an extremely alarming development, I mean unless you’re cool with a country that jails political dissenters and forces the LGBTQ+ community to cower in fear, of course, comrades.

Classified documents presented last week to President Obama and President-elect Trump included allegations that Russian operatives claim to have compromising personal and financial information about Mr. Trump, multiple US officials with direct knowledge of the briefings tell CNN. (source)

However the hell they obtained it, if the Russian government gets to know the dirt on Trump, surely the American people — of whom he will be an employee on January 20th, 2017 — deserve to know this information as well. I don’t care if reporters uncover it, or if our government puts sanctions on Russia until they release the information. Someone has to do the American people a solid and get whatever Russia has and blast it out on every media channel available.

We also need to know why Russia was choosing to only dump information damaging to Hillary on the American public, when they had dirt on Trump too.

These senior intelligence officials also included the synopsis to demonstrate that Russia had compiled information potentially harmful to both political parties, but only released information damaging to Hillary Clinton and Democrats. (source)

Sure, it’s probably pretty easy to guess why Russia chose to hurt Hillary and not Trump…they wanted Trump. But the question is why Putin was so keen on getting the bewigged, bombastic bastard into the Oval Office. Really it’s not just Americans that need to know what Putin’s long game is here, it’s the entire world. He’s a pretty big asshole, and I’d rather we not have our president be at his beck and call, helping him entrench himself in power, because again, he’s kind of a big fucking asshole, y’all.

Up to this point though, the CNN story hasn’t revealed anything we didn’t already suspect, at least on some level. I’m sure most of us knew that Russia had tried to gain information on both nominees last year, and that they chose to go with Trump as their guy. Maybe some of the details weren’t clear, but it was fairly obvious from all the circumstantial, declassified information available. But this next paragraph is the one that I think should set off alarm bells everywhere, and I mean everywhere.

The two-page synopsis also included allegations that there was a continuing exchange of information during the campaign between Trump surrogates and intermediaries for the Russian government, according to two national security officials. (source)

Right now, it’s really important for anyone who stands in resistant opposition to Trump to remember that these are just “allegations” right now. We can’t just presume that Trump was colluding with Russia the entire time, nor that even if communication is proven that anything illegal by default was going on. But if it’s proven true, if it’s shown with credible, hard evidence, that Trump was in bed with Russia at all, he needs to go. I don’t care that we get the Lantern Jawed Bigot as our president then…Trump has to go if he’s been compromised by a foreign power.

So now it’s up to the media. The press has to do its job. They have to get to the bottom of what Trump knew, when he knew it, and who told it to him. The strands need to be followed until their threads that need to be followed until they’re tracked down to their conclusion. I’m not saying we have a smoking gun, or that in any way it’s proven that Trump even should be impeached once he’s sworn in. What I’m saying is that this report has more than enough in it to warrant a full, independent investigation, and anyone standing in its way should be immediately suspect.

This isn’t a left/right issue. If the Republicans had elected Mitt Romney or Jeb Bush, chances are we wouldn’t be even discussing this. We’d just be bracing for what four years or more of Republican leadership would do to the country and the world. But the Republican Party elected an unqualified buffoon, and while that’s really nothing new, this is the first time they’ve elected someone who’s incompetent, but also brazenly tied to a country that we know have pretty good reason to believe is going to try and blackmail him.




What did Trump know? When did he know it? Who told it to him? These are the only questions that matter, and I hope to all that is holy that our free press tracks down the answers to them sooner than later. I’d recommend you head over to Twitter soon, something tells me Comrade Trump is going to be firing off tweets like a mad man about anything and everything other than his being Russia’s bought and paid for bottom bitch.

The Bottom Bitch In Chief.


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1138 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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