Why is CPAC a Gun Free Zone if All You Need Are Good Guys With Guns?

Sometimes people ask me why I bother trawling around the right-wing fringes of social media to pages that call themselves “Unbiased” and then spew literally nothing but cherry-picked data over right-wing talking points about supply side economic theory. They ask how I can expose myself to the people who think so differently than I do, and I’ll tell you why. Because sometimes you get exposed to a really hilarious and beautiful bit of ironic hypocrisy like say…

…the largest gathering of conservatives being a “Gun Free Zone.”

The term “Gun Free Zone” has become synonymous with right-wingers snide mockery. They claim that when businesses and schools are clearly defined with signage as being unwilling to accept open or concealed carried firearms they are inviting mass shootings, or I suppose a regular ol’ shooting. Because, they argue, when criminals know your building is a “soft target,” they’ll go after that instead of somewhere else. They pitch the idea of the “motive” of a crime completely overboard and focus solely on whether there armed guards or civilians in a location, because you know, banks are never robbed and shootings never happen on army bases, right?

Right?

The whole “stopping bad guys with guns with good guys with guns” thing is a right-wing talking point started by NRA spokesman Wayne LaPierre. So how come when they all get together at a convention of the largest gathering of conservative voters each year — CPAC — is it a gun free zone?

GUN FREE ZONES
This is a sign that is at the venue that CPAC is being held, and there are no weapons allowed? Granted, it doesn’t specifically say “gun free zone,” but isn’t this sign just an invitation for bad guys now? Or this sign just an indication that conservatives don’t trust gun nuts either, and that maybe, just maybe the idea that we need to turn every common space into the OK Corral is utter horse shit?


Look, I’m not even saying this is a bad policy for CPAC to have. I mean, have you ever talked to a Three Percenter or otherwise gun-obsessed loon about this stuff? They think that background checks and strong mental health facilities are government tyranny. Then there’s the fact that Trump rallies have become violent, confrontational events that gin up angry conservatives, and I can see what CPAC’s management was thinking in making the event a gun free zone.

I just want the conservatives who dispassionately wag their fingers after every school shooting about gun free zones to print the picture up there out and ram it inside their tightly-wound asses. I just want them to acknowledge that liberals aren’t crazy lunatics for not wanting every single goddamned thing our lives to be infiltrated by a gun. So that’s why I’m posting there here, as direct evidence of the blatant but tasty hypocrisy on gun free zones that conservatives put on display.

Truthfully though, I can’t be the only one who thinks that maybe a roomful of angry, bitter assholes who have varying degrees of animosity toward each other and the whole world would be a problem that could, um, work itself out right? Maybe they should be allowed to carry their pieces into CPAC, and if you just lock the doors once they get in, that sounds like a problem with a built-in solution to me.

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About James Schlarmann 1453 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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