Dear Donny: I Don’t Have to Respect You, or Our Flag. Welcome to America.

Dear President Piss Party,

Fuck you.

Man that feels awesome just to type, though I wish I could secure for myself the privilege of telling you this in person. But, truly, undeniably, with a full throated blast of air I say to you, “Fuck you, you white supremacist sack of dog shit.” You and the rest of your party may not like it, but that’s how I can roll in this country. Apparently America’s right-wing has some pretty insane misconceptions about what it means to respect the country, its flag, and its national anthem.

But let me right here and right now, Mr. “President,” that while I respect this country, its flag and its anthem aren’t nearly important to me as the people within it. This nation was conceived in liberty, as it’s been told, but all throughout its history, that high-minded promise has never, not once, been carried out to its fullest fruition. That’s because all along the way there have been dumb dicks like you that try to tell people they love freedom and liberty, while out of the other side of their mouths they try to rob people of those same exact things.

The furor you’re creating, you tiny-fingered little miscreant, over NFL players taking a knee to protest police brutality is a prime example of just how completely out of touch with reality you guys can let yourselves get. Over the course of the last few days, since calling Colin Kaepernick and anyone who kneels during the playing of the anthem a “son of a bitch,” you’ve made it seem like you believe Americans should respect a piece of cloth or some musical notes set to okay-ish poetry more than we respect our fellow human beings.

Let me just also take the time to state for the public record that this protest ain’t just about you. In fact, it’s really not about you at all. It’s about police brutality and systemic racism. Oh wait, fuck. That systemic racism part means it is indeed about you.

With tweets like the ones below — and the roughly 8.3 trillion others just like it from the last 72 hours, you demonstrate this galling lack of perspective.

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

If NFL fans refuse to go to games until players stop disrespecting our Flag & Country, you will see change take place fast. Fire or suspend!

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

NFL attendance and ratings are WAY DOWN. Boring games yes, but many stay away because they love our country. League should back U.S.

Someone needs to pull you and every other faux-patriotic, red-white-and-blue waving couch potatriot and explain to you one very simple thing — respecting the flag and what it stands for means inviting civil protest over it, not trying to shut protest down. If the NFL players were walking out onto the field, brandishing weapons, and threatening to kill law enforcement officials, I’d be the first one to agree with you about this, but they’re not doing that. They’re peacefully protesting by quietly dropping to one knee.

Then again, if they did walk out onto a big empty piece of land that they don’t own and started pointed their guns at the police, you’d probably jump for joy and wonder if any of them are named “Amon” or “Cliven,” huh?

Respect for America means respecting the fact that we all have a right to express our views. For as much as you fuckfaces call us “snowflakes,” you’re just as guilty of losing your shit when you hear something that hurts your fee-fees as you claim any beta cuck libtard is. Don’t believe me? Go read the comments section of any article about Colin Kaepernick and remember that he was just literally taking a knee. Not inciting a riot. Not even blaming all white people for systemic racism. Kneeling. That was it.

I will admit, too, that there are many things about this country I don’t and never will respect.




I will never respect the fact that a certain, large segment of this population would rather be proud, loud assholes than admit that our government committed genocide on the natives and turned a blind eye to the racism of slavery until it was far too late. I will never respect the fact that so many people in this country want to take us back to that time, as if a country where you could own black people, women couldn’t vote, much less have sexual and reproductive autonomy, and crony capitalism so rampant that three of the richest men in history were able to literally buy the William McKinley presidency is preferable to a country where you can’t call people “niggers” or “faggots” without societal consequence.

I’ll never respect any of that shit. And guess what, you dopey fuck? The flag represents all of that too.

Here’s what I do respect about America — I can tell you, the sitting President of the United States, what an arrogant, entitled, unfit, incompetent, racist, stupid fucking buffoon you are. I can call you an egomaniacal douchebag, hellbent on helping people he thinks, because he’s a senile, pant shitting, piss party throwing, doddering old dotard fuck, destroy what makes this nation great. I can tell you that you’re the unequivocally worst human being to ever occupy the White House, and I can do all this without your petty little shit head bootlicking authoritarian fuckfaced followers rounding me up and throwing me in jail.

That’s what I love and respect about this country. That I don’t have to respect anyone or anything if I don’t want to. We get to pick and choose what we respect, and you, dipshit, are not near the top of anyone but the most easily duped’s list.

I don’t respect a piece of fucking cloth. Not more than I respect the men and women of this country who, every day fight anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, lack of income, lack of hope, and lack of just about everything, to get up and make our local communities work. Teachers, doctors, street cleaners, fire fighters, librarians…everyone. I respect that when shit comes to shit we put politics aside and help each other take groceries to our cars, or watch each other’s children.

Please shut the fuck up and start doing something, anything, that remotely resembles your job, Apricot Pol Pot. Put down the remote, get some fresh air. Then maybe walk into a bottomless pit or a rip in the space time continuum that takes you to some far off dimension where we never have to hear your voice or see your dumb, stupid face again. Whatever, your call on that last part.

Toodles,

Jambo

 

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About James Schlarmann 1452 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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