Dear Internet Trolls: You Need A Hug, A Dictionary, And A Job

(making musical lemonade out of alt-right lemons)

One of the great things about social media is that it’s a great way to connect with people, whether it’s an old friend from high school or finding interesting articles; discussions about everything from politics to pop music.

But one of the less savory aspects of social media is that people can also remain anonymous, and something about that seems to bring out their worst behavior, and the herd mentality can inspire some pretty awful attacks from trolls.

But don’t worry, folks, this is still a humor piece. There are plenty of articles out there about how ugly cyber-bullying and trolls can be, and I’m not saying it isn’t sometimes legitimately dangerous. But a lot of it is metaphoric genital-waving for each other, rather than actual threats.



I got a taste of this first hand awhile back, when I posted a song about gun control – at first, some of the more hateful comments were really scary, but once I looked closer I realized these bozos only posed a threat to the English language.

As my dad used to say, “All generalizations are false, including this one,” and I’m sure there are some online haters who have advanced degrees, fulfilling careers, and satisfying social lives. But most of the ones I’ve seen act like lonely socially awkward losers who try to boost their fragile egos by bashing someone else. And not to point (undersized) fingers, but Trump’s campaign sure seems to have given these trolls permission to be anti-immigrant, anti-women, anti-Semitic, anti-Muslim, anti-science, and anti-grammar.

So while this song isn’t specifically making fun of Trump, it is making fun of his supporters (remember, Trump claims he ‘loves the uneducated’, and the feeling is mutual!)

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About Lauren Mayer 9 Articles
Lauren is a satirical political songwriter, an unabashed liberal feminist and an opinionated Jewish mother (yes, I know that's redundant)
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