Dear President Stupid: Churches Already Get Reimbursed For Charity Work Every Year By the Taxpayers

Hey President Moron?

Can we talk about your tweet a couple days ago? I know a lot has been going on, so let me just remind you what you said, okay?

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

Churches in Texas should be entitled to reimbursement from FEMA Relief Funds for helping victims of Hurricane Harvey (just like others).

I guess we’ll just ignore, for now, that you sent that twee as Hurricane Irma was bearing down on Florida, and that maybe political messaging meant only to make your base love you even more should’ve been given a respite. We’ll ignore your idiotic timing and focus instead on the treasure trove of stupid that your comments unearthed.

I keep thinking at some point my assumption about you — that you volunteered to be nominated and became the President of the United States with absolutely no real, working knowledge of how the government works — will be proven by wrong. But whether it’s you complaining about judicial review of your Muslim ban, or it’s you complaining about how the Senate works, you clearly are someone who has been handed answers your whole life, and never really had to bother yourself with pesky details. Now you’re earnestly tweeting about how churches are “entitled” to be reimbursed for their charity work during the hurricane recovery efforts?

Jesus fucking Christ Don, could you be more clueless?

We already reimburse churches for their charity during hurricane recoveries. In fact, we reimburse them for every bit of charity work they do, regardless of whether it’s in the wake of a natural disaster or not. Don, every single, solitary church in this country gets reimbursed in this way.

That’s because we give them all tax breaks. Massive, 100% tax breaks. We respect the freedom of religion so much in this country that we give every single religious organization the benefit of the doubt, and give them a complete and total holiday from paying a single tax on anything they do. They don’t pay property taxes on the land their church is on. They don’t pay taxes on the money they collect in their tithing plates every Sunday. They don’t even pay any taxes on how to books their clerics write, or on any merchandise they sell.




In fact, we give them this tax break because we simply presume they’re doing charitable works. Sure, they have to provide proof of it, if we ask, but the baseline assumption we make about every church is that they’ll be doing works of charity in their community, and that is the only reason we don’t tax churches. It’s beyond the realm of even insanity for a president to suggest that churches aren’t already compensated and reimbursed for their charitable works. Unless, of course, you’re President DumbFuck McGee.

And unluckily for all of us, you’re president alright, Dumbfuck McGee.

All told, taxpayers in this country give churches and religious organizations about $82 billion in tax write offs every single year. That’s a substantial amount of money as it is, Donny. If you want to tell us that churches have shelled out more in the wake of Harvey and Irma than they usually would have, and should get special dispensation for FEMA funds, that’s at least a better argument than the hamfisted, sub-140 character one you tried to make. It’d still be wrong, but at least it’s a better argument.

This country treats every church like it’s already a non-profit charity organization. To suggest otherwise is really very silly. I know that the Evangelicals put you in office, Donny, but this is so stupid I would have thought it was too stupid for even the likes of you. Maybe I could be convinced that Joel Osteen is entitled to additional funds if he hadn’t tried to pull the most un-Christian move and bar desperate people from his church last week. But he did that, and you did what you did — tweeted stupid shit like a stupid shit.

Feel Free to Resign Anytime, Fuck-O,

Jambo

 

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About James Schlarmann 1430 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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