Dear Renee: My Governor Sounds Trumpy Now and It Gives Me the Heebee-Jeebees

Dear Renee,

Yesterday my governor, Phil Bryant, gave a State of the State Address, and it gave me the heebee jeebees. He talked a lot about how “Blue Lives Matter” and taxpayers are “sovereign citizens”, but I really freaked out when he got to the part about “fake news” and “draining the swamp.” I realize ole Governor PhilBilly was up for a cabinet position, and he and Trump were tighter than peanut butter and jelly, but once all that passed, I just thought we were done with that nightmare. It’s bad enough we have to worry about that man in Washington, but now!

They obviously spent way too much time together, and now that damned election’s over, I am glad to know Trump probably won’t ever be back in Mississippi again. But the Governor just sounded so much like him, and since the Tea Party has taken over in this state, you and I both know they will fully support everything Trump wants to do without question. I mean, Bryant raised a bunch of money for him and even went to see his tower in New York. But we don’t need that garbage here. This state has enough problems without adding another bunch of bullshit! 

By the time it was over, Bryant had quoted Trump, Faulkner, the Bible, and the Rolling Stones! It made me feel so uncomfortable! What are we going to do Renee? 

Down in Dixie


Hey Down in Dixie,

First of all, let me just apologize that you had to sit through any of Reverend Phil’s sermons. We all know how much he likes to fancy himself the Lord’s Governor. So I did what I always prefer to do, and I went and pulled a transcript of his State of the State. Let me address what he actually said, and the way he did it at the same time.

“Blue Lives Matter” is always a hit narrative in the South. In Mississippi, there is a trooper shortage, and that plus going against their recommendation and lowering the bar on concealed carry, Phil is going to “back the blue” from here on out just to cover his ass. He had his one card, and he used it by letting most people carry concealed most ways without a permit. His quote on “draining the swamp” is just stupid is as stupid Trumps.

Bryant quoted the Mississippi Constitution that “All power is vested in and derived from the people” and warned that if elected officials forget it, people will “get the mistaken belief that this Capitol is a swamp that needs draining.”

I found it amusing he admitted unemployment is the lowest it has been since 2004; he would not do that before the election. So let me do this shout-out on his behalf: THANKS OBAMA!!! He received a bunch of awards nobody has heard of, and he is still touting improvements in education, despite the fact that Mississippi remains at fiftieth in the country and refuses still to fully fund it according to its own laws.

Everything published that he didn’t agree with was fake news; where have I heard that before? Goddamn.

He noted foster care is a top priority, discussed the BP oil disaster settlement money, and my personal favorite, discussed how he is open to a state lottery. This is the same governor who is personally still fighting against same sex marriage because of Jesus, but gambling is just fine. I honestly think if Phil thought he could tax people for being gay, he would suddenly be cool with it.

Dixie, we are in for a rough few years, I won’t lie to you, Honey. Phil won’t be around too much longer though. He’ll be gone in 2020. Until then, just drink you some moonshine, stay away from his live talks, and I think you’ll manage. Try ignoring him. Maybe he’ll go away. That’s been my prayer since he was first elected.

Hugs and kisses,

Renee

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About Renee Webb 322 Articles
Renee is a recovering Conservative who lives at the intersection of the Bible Belt and the Hypocrisy Highway.
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