The Absolute Delusion of the Morally Bankrupt, Mendacious Rat Faced Dick Weasel Sean Spicer

No, you will not be able to count me among those who are willing to give Sean Spicer a second chance. During his brief and stupidity-laden turn as the White House Press Secretary, the bumbling, stumbling, anti-intellectual mouthpiece of the most untrustworthy administration in the history of this nation was given many chances to stop being such a morally bankrupt, mendacious, rat-faced dick weasel. He failed every single time to rise to the occasion.

It takes moral bankruptcy to stand in front of the entire country and lie so obviously to our faces. It started with his very first interaction with the press, something his job was supposed to have been all about. Spicer berated the media for daring to accurately report that the crowd size for Trump’s inauguration was down quite a bit from both of the times Barack Obama was sworn in. And he lied through his teeth about how much bigger Trump’s crowd size was. Normally lies don’t matter all the time in politics, but this lie is huge because it was the intellectual cover they gave themselves for creating that bullshit voter suppression, excuse me, voter fraud, commission headed by Capt Racist Fuckface Kobach himself.

Moral bankruptcy is also necessary to in any way, shape or form defend Adolf Hitler. But that’s what Spicer did. Somehow he managed to look like he was trying to make Hitler look less evil than Bashar Assad instead of just painting Assad as the brutal murderer he is. Why the fuck Spicer had to bring up Hitler at all is beyond me, but generally people should shy away from saying things that can be remotely construed as, “Hey, those Nazis weren’t SO bad, were they?” This goes triply for people whose bosses already have a far too cozy relationship with neo-Nazis who shout his name and hail him as their new emperor.

Sean Spicer lied as a matter of course. Last night on CNN, Anderson Cooper laced into Spicer for his history of lies.

Cooper laid right into the former White House press secretary: “Did Sean Spicer lie to the American people? Yeah, he did. He lied about the Trump Tower meeting being about adoption even after Donald Trump Jr. was forced to admit it was about Russian dirt on Clinton,” said Cooper. “Remember the president’s claim about 3 to 5 million people voting illegally? Not true, but Sean Spicer said it was. He lied about the president getting the most electoral votes of any Republican since Reagan. And the list goes on and on.” (WaPo)

It takes going beyond moral bankruptcy, however, to lie repeatedly, day after day, and then turn around and tell the American people you never lied. Spicer did exactly that when he told ABC News he didn’t think he’d ever intentionally lied to the American people. It takes some real balls to do that. Or it takes delusion on the order of magnitude so great as to risk blacking out the sun and collapsing the universe in on itself.




Reality dictates that there are only two possible explanations for Spicer saying he never lied. One possibility is that he’s deluded. He lives in a world of alternative facts, after all, so I don’t think it’s a stretch at all to presume that Spicer is heavily disconnected from reality. Sean’s probably goes home every night, soaks his feet in a tub of bromide, puts on his tinfoil hat, and watches the microwave for signs of communication from his former boss…that’s how completely out of his goddamned mind Sean Spicer clearly must be.

Or…

He’s just a big fat fucking liar. Possibly, Spicer has lying so ingrained into the folds of his tiny little brain that he can’t help but lie. Or maybe, less in less hyperbolic terms, Spicer knows what a piece of shit he’s believed to be and he’s calculated that it would be far worse to admit he was lying than to put on a charade that he wasn’t. Spicer is such a massive liar that he just defaults to that behavior, and he’s taken to lying about lying.

So the choice is really up to Spicer how he wants to be viewed. He’s either an incompetent, delusional, deluded moron, or he’s a fully corrupted, lying sack of shit. There are literally no other ways this thing shakes out. You’d almost feel bad for him if you didn’t know he was a morally bankrupt, mendacious, rat faced dick weasel…delusional or not.

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About James Schlarmann 1431 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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