DNC Agrees to ‘Make Hillary Look Good’ on TV More

"As long as our voters agree to eventually rally around Hillary's inevitability, we're going to be in great shape!" *satire*

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congresswoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Chair of the Democratic National Committee, has been under fire from some in her own party for what they feel is a heavy pro-Hillary Clinton bias in how the DNC has handled the 2016 primary. Sources say she’s hopeful her decision to allow for more TV time to “make Hillary look good” will quell some of the turmoil within the party.

“Some call these special TV episodes ‘debates,’ and some call them ‘town halls,’ and still others call them ‘forums,'” Wasserman Schultz reportedly told her staff over the weekend, “but as long as we’re doing them to make Hillary look good, I’m fine with scheduling another forty of them if I have to.” Ms. Wasserman Schultz. The lack of prime time scheduling for the debates has also been a sore spot for some rank-and-file Democrats and Ms. Wasserman Schultz is hopeful the additional debated will help with that as well. “As long as everyone involved gets that we’re cool with feigning an attempt at fairness for the sake of optics, and not much else,” she said, “then I’m good to go.

One very close source close to the DNC chairwoman, speaking on condition of anonymity and a photo-op with Ms. Clinton,  says she is “confident that no matter how the actual debates go that the press and therefore everyone else will agree Hillary is the winner,” so she decided that she will “schedule a debate a day if she has to.”


“All we want is for our party to have a rousing, spirited primary,” Wasserman Schultz reportedly told some staff she took out to dinner over the weekend, “where the predetermined, predestined result of Hillary Clinton getting the nomination happens. As long as our voters agree to eventually rally around Hillary’s inevitability, we’re going to be in great shape!”

Clinton was the presumed front runner and eventual nominee in 2008, but was bested by Barack Obama, who eventually went on to win both that election and his re-election effort in 2012, despite Ms. Clinton’s foregone conclusive campaign. Polling showed her in the lead, but with a much narrower margin than before heading into the Iowa caucuses.

This story was cross-posted from The Political Garbage Chute.

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About James Schlarmann 1206 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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