Donald Trump Fucking Lied About Barack Obama Wire-Fucking-Tapping Trump Fucking Tower

I don’t understand why more people in the big, mainstream press aren’t putting it in these terms, but I will: President Donald J. Trump lied and falsely accused former-President Obama of ordering surveillance on his residence at Trump Tower.

You know what? Let me repeat.

Donald fucking Trump fucking lied about Barack fucking Obama wire-fucking-tapping Trump fucking Tower.

He lied. He didn’t state a belief he had that was based on “alternative facts.” He didn’t make a guess, he didn’t postulate. He lied. Lied, lied, lied, lied, lied. He. Fucking. Lied.

What do you call it when you knowingly say something you know is false, again? Oh, right. A fucking lie. You know how I know Trump lied? Because the Associated Press is running stories like this one, with headlines that are trying to say the obvious without stating the obvious, that’s how I know.

That AP story is about the fact that even some of the most strident defenders of Trump’s outlandish and insane accusation against Obama, like Rep. Devin Nunes basically having to tell the country “if you take Trump literally, he was wrong.” Which, again, is just a really fancy-shmancy way of saying he what? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. He. Fucking. Lied.

So…pretty much if Donald Trump’s lips are moving and they’re flapping about Barack Obama, you know he’s not telling the truth. Whether its birth certificates or wiretapping, clearly Trump has always and will always be willing to sink to the lowest point possible. Because, again, he’s a racist orange twat waffle.

More and more, Trump’s friends are having to back away from his crazy shit. This is what happens when you elect the Breitbart wing of your party, by the way. They start spewing shit you’d see as headlines on Breitbart, which in case anyone is still wondering, is a full-blown propaganda outlet. It traffics in racist, sexist, xenophobic conspiracy theories presented as stone cold, verified fact. Or you know: fucking lies.

So we have a liar in chief who surrounded himself with more liars who are enabling his lies by telling him bigger, somehow more stupid lies. Wonderful. But I’m just as sick and tired of the press not labeling this bullshit for what it is as much as I’m upset at Trump for continuing to spew it. It’s like in baseball, if you find a hitter who can’t lay off the high fastball but who can’t hit the high fastball, you keep throwing the goddamned high fastball. So until Trump is called on the carpet for an actual lie, and not some flowery, poetic prose version of a lie, then why should he stop lying?

But again, to reiterate, when it comes to the allegations of Obama wiretapping him? Trump fucking lied.

Nunes and Rep. Adam Schiff are the two ranking members of the House Intelligence community. If anyone has access to stuff we don’t, it’s them. And guess what? The whole reason Nunes had to come out and call bullshit on the president was because they don’t have any evidence. Therefore the president didn’t have any evidence, and ergo…

Donald Trump fucking lied about Barack Obama wiretapping Trump Tower.

And…that’s it, really. I just needed a little space to purge this. Because I can only read so many headlines trying to say it without saying that Trump lied about the wiretapping. I get why journalistic integrity and ethics prevent them from just outright accusing Trump of lying, but regular folk call it a lie when someone says untrue shit on purpose. So I’m cool with using this space to express exactly that message.





In fact, let me just make sure it’s crystal clear.

Donald Trump fucking lied about Barack Obama wiretapping Trump Tower.

Donald Trump jodió mentira sobre Barack Obama escuchando Trump Tower.

ドナルド・トランプはバラク・オバマの盗聴トランプ・タワーについて嘘をついた。

Donald Trump neuken gelogen over Barack Obama aftappen Trump Tower.

Donald Trump lügte über Barack Obama Abhören Trump Tower.

The question now becomes what, if anything, our feckless and worthless congress will do about it. In years past, this kind of bald faced, unrepentant bullshittery would probably get the president impeached for incompetency under the 25th Amendment. Congress is controlled by Republicans, and Trump is a Republican. So I won’t be holding my breath any time soon. Instead, I’ll just keep telling people, until I’m blue in my stupid face:

Дональд Трамп лгал о том, что Барак Обама перехватывает Трамп-


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1349 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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