Donald Trump Can’t Dish It Like This Cripple Can, So He Should Hire Me

13164182_10206411082308158_7279384926587624744_n

Donald J. Trump is many things: A creepy father. A serial adulterer. A Republican Presidential nominee.

However, none of these things bother me as much as his role as a habitual hater of the cripples (or the disabled). It isn’t the fact that he constantly insults a group of people that bare no responsibility for being born with or in that particular situation. It’s that the Spray On Don can’t dish the verbal violence that this crippled comedian can.

Allow me to state my qualifications and my purpose.

I’m a multiple participant in the World Famous Comedy Store’s Roast Battle, and as someone with cerebral palsy that’s in a wheelchair, I’m going to show the lead singer of The Small Hand Band that I am the man to write disabled material for him.

I’ll write better jokes about the disabled people Donald Trump has mocked, and then I’ll roast the millionaire Duvet Toupee himself.

Lets start with Trump’s attack from last November on Serge Kovaleski, after Trump lied about one of this reporter’s 2001 articles. What grinds my gears about this is Donald Trump denies mocking the disabled reporter’s arthrogryposis arm, dispite clearly contorting his left arm while making a joke. Never mind the cliché ableist cowardice of acting like he didn’t just dis a disabled person, I’m just going to replace his jokes with my soul torching insults.

Joe’s Better Jokes:

“You should see this Serge Kovelski guy. His disability is as hard to pronounce as his name. I don’t know how he survived as a columnist with no typing hands; it’s probably why he no longer works at The Washington Post, and now is at the failing New York Times. His memory is as twisted as his forearm.”



Moving on, Trump’s insults of paralyzed commentator Charles Krauthammer were like the previous attacks in how they only vaguely attack the disability in a very glib way. Trump said Charles Krauthammer was a loser who just sits there and can’t buy a pair of pants. I thought The Donald was supposed to be proudly politically incorrect! Those who watch my comedy videos on YouTube know that I ridicule disability outright.

Joe’s Better Jokes:

“Can you believe this jabroni Charles Kripplehammer? His ideas are as outdated as his attempts to hide his disability from the public. Chuck’s as severed from reality as his spine is from his body. We call him Chucks cause that’s what he lines his wheelchair with to protect his seat from his incontinence. Don’t give him a gun, he can’t stand his ground! But at least Chucks has more legs than his buddy Bill Kristol’s ideas of how to bring democracy to Iraq.”

Mr. Duvet Toupee should leave denigrating disabled people to the qualified professionals, so that it remains as funny as possible. Trump’s humor is as inaccessible as his numerous properties.

I can see through Donald Trump. For instance I know that the only reason he seems patriotic is because he looks like an eagle who has had all the feathers plucked from its face. Joe Eurell knows Donald Trump better than Donald Trump knows Donald Trump. While Donald Trump sees himself as the King of Debt who is a successful businessman, I know he’s really the Baron of Bankruptcy, who’s dead brother has better business sense than he does.

Finally, the most important reason the Baron of Bankruptcy should hire me, is that I’ll work for free. And we all know the Don’s reputation for not paying the people he contracts to work for him.

About Joe Eurell 2 Articles
An Orange County - based comedian, cripple, writer, and artist. Originally from South Carolina, political science informs his creative endeavors.
Twitter Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com