Donald Trump and His Angry Miniature Blonde Purse Dog Have No Idea What Transparency Is

Guys, I’m thinking that there are a lot of things that we need to do. One, of course, is to continue to resist President Trump, his agenda, and the lies his inner circle tell us. Another, though, may be far more pressing. I think, after seeing a couple frankly alarming recent tweets, that we need to get Trump and his little, angry, blonde purse dog a dictionary. Because they clearly have zero idea what transparency is.

Here, let me explain.

So by now if you’re even remotely familiar with how the news works, you know that Donald Trump Jr. — the moron with an overbite that kills defenseless animals as sport and nothing else — released an email chain to the press that shows pretty unequivocally that he took a meeting with someone he knew was from Russia and who promised him dirt on Hillary Clinton obtained from the an influence and hacking campaign. The email chain spells out without any possibility of doubt, that as long as Junior Moron read it, he’d know that the campaign was being undertaken by the Russian government.

To anyone with a pulse and an IQ above the grade the most of us graduate high school after, the email was the smoking gun we’d all been waiting for. After a year of first denying any collusion happened, we know had an email chain that directly tied Junior, Jared Kushner, and Paul Manafort (Trump’s former campaign manager) to a secret, undisclosed meeting with a Russian lawyer who promised them shit that the Russian government had on Hillary.

You literally couldn’t get more evidence of a conspiracy unless you had video surveillance in the room at the time. It’s hilarious and frightening that the Trumpers don’t see it that way, but fuck it and fuck them. There are still Republicans to this day that think Dick Nixon was a good man and got a bum deal. So we can’t convince everyone that it’s in their best interests to see life from a perspective outside their own colons.

But the best part about this whole story is that now Big Donald and his supporters are trying to clean up Don Jr.’s reputation and make him seem like an honest, forthright person. They’re calling what he did in releasing the email chain that sparked so much drama that he, Kushner, and Manafort will be testifying before Senate committees, “transparency.” And this is why we need an immediate fundraiser to procure some dictionaries for Trump and his ilk.

Here’s a tweet from the orange twat waffle in chief, saying Don Jr. “openly” released the emails.

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

My son Donald openly gave his e-mails to the media & authorities whereas Crooked Hillary Clinton deleted (& acid washed) her 33,000 e-mails!






And here’s a tweet from his new pet — his angry, blonde, purse dog known as Tammy Lahren. Apparently she too is in need of a course in what words mean. Amazing that someone like this could bitch and moan about having to press 1 for English, but yet can’t hold onto what simple English words mean.

Tomi Lahren on Twitter

I appreciate the transparency of Jared Kushner. Refreshing. Others would delete 30k emails & send their husbands to private tarmac meetings.

Transparency would of course been something one could use to describe Don Jr. had he released the emails before he knew The New York Times would be publishing them. What Don Jr. did, instead, was like getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar by a newspaper and then deciding to release pictures of himself with his hand in the cookie jar. The simple truth remains that had the threat of the free press publishing those emails not been present, Junior wouldn’t have said shit about the meeting, and we’d never had known about them.

Being an honest, transparent person would have meant Don Jr. walked his rich, entitled, spoiled ass over to the FBI, handed them the emails from the Russian lawyer, and then didn’t have the meeting. Then, if he wanted to be more transparent, he would go to a trusted media outlet, and relay the story to them. The whole public knowing about the meeting, which took place five months before the election, would be transparency. What Junior did was called a “cover-up,” and Republicans should ask Nixon whether cover-ups are worse than the crime.

Hint: They usually are.

No one should kid themselves and think that their political team doesn’t do stupid shit, either. Let’s face it — being duplicitous and secretive is part of politics. President Obama was a pretty good president, all things considered, but his team’s crackdown on leaks and lack of openness about drone strikes or not prosecuting those responsible for the 2008 financial meltdown are prime examples of their lack of transparency. So this isn’t just about some modern libtard cracking on Junior without recognizing his own team does that stuff too.

However, Hillary isn’t president, and Obama isn’t president any longer. And no matter how hard the Trumplodytes try to spin it, there’s zero evidence that anyone on Hillary’s team even tried to collude with a foreign adversary. But even if you put yourself in an imaginary world where Hillary was president, and Chelsea Clinton had been forced to release emails that showed she tried to get information on Trump via Russia, can anyone with a straight face tell me Republicans in Congress wouldn’t be drafting articles of impeachment literally the moment they read the story in the news?

No Tammy, no Capt. Piss Party, you’re not transparent when you’re forced to acknowledge things you’ve denied for a year. Only morons think that. Only dogmatic morons believe it. Maybe it won’t matter in the long run, though, because one poll I saw recently showed that a large number of Republicans don’t even believe Don Jr. took the meeting with the Russians in the first place. I think the same poll also said that they don’t believe water is wet, grass is green, or that Rush is the single most overrated band in the history of anything ever.

Just imagine the howling and outrage if President Blacky McDemocrat asked about pardoning Crooked Hillary. What a farce this country has become. But hey, at least we all got to witness our republic’s dying breath, wondering where in the hell the party of personal accountability was to hold their idiotic, orange fuckface of a president accountable.

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About James Schlarmann 1408 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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