Donald Trump’s Gourmet Dessert and Airstrike Pairing Menu

In a recent interview, President Donald J. Trump told the world that he discussed a missile strike in Syria — though he mistakenly said it was Iraq for a moment — over “beautiful” chocolate cake with Chinese President Xi Jinping during his visit to the country last week. President Jinping was making his first official visit to the U.S. since Trump was sworn in back in January.

To some, discussing military action over chocolate cake might seem a bit unsettling, but to help settle everyone’s nerves, President Trump has asked his staff to put a special pairing menu. A lot of times restaurants will use pairing menus to help suggest combinations of food and beverage for their patrons to try. Much in the same way, this menu was prepared with the idea of pairing airstrikes with yummy desserts.

And as Mr. Trump loves to end his tweets about his upcoming interviews…Enjoy!

Nuclear Warhead and Carrot Cake

Imagine diving into a rich, spiced carrot cake, topped with succulent, lucious buttercream frosting. Now, imagine doing that while you watch a nuclear warhead be dropped. Just picture taking a big, full bite of that delicious carrot cake while the mushroom cloud billows up high into the sky. You’re not just eating carrot cake, you’re watching freedom ring! For a bit of extra decadence, try adding a nice glass of port. De-lish!

 

 

 

 

MOAB and Cannoli

What perfect timing! Mr. Trump just wagged the dog yet again, this time in Afghanistan, and this time instead of lobbing Tomahawk freedom distributing missiles, he used the “MOAB” bomb. “MOAB” in this case stands for “massive ordinance air blast,” but it’s come to be known as the “Mother of All Bombs” because it’s the largest non-nuclear bomb in our arsenal. Up until just a few hours ago, though, it had never been used in combat, but that’s what happens when presidential approval ratings plummet; bombs drop. Try pairing this simply delectable ordinance with a fine cannoli from your local Italian baker. Or you know, take the bombs, leave the canoli, your call, patriot!




Carpet Bombs and Chocolate Lava Cake

During last year’s Republican primary season, Senator Ted Cruz said he’d love to carpet bomb ISIS. This led many to believe that Cruz doesn’t know his ass from his elbows in terms of military strategy, because carpet bombing is messy and would probably slaughter thousands of innocent civilians. But did you know if you simply add a decadent, oozing, erupting chocolate lava cake to the mix, and you’ve got yourself one hell of a pairing! Once you see those bombs drop, the cake won’t be the only thing oozing and erupting, if you know what we mean! (We mean your penis will be ejaculating. Because of the bombs. Because bombs make patriot’s penises turgid, of course. We all know this. No need to dwell, Harold.)

SCUD Missiles and Baklava

For those who like a little ethnic fare, why not try out a SCUD missile? You might remember SCUDs as the missiles used by Saddam Hussein against allied forces. But did you know they make one heck of a great team with some lovely baklava? It’s true! Try it today, and thank us later!

 

 

 

 

 


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1194 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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