Donald Trump Unveils Plans “Camp Trump” for Muslim Americans

"We built it so that Muslims can concentrate on being less Muslimish." *satire*

GRASS VALLEY, IOWA — As the 2016 presidential race heats up, the rather sizable Republican candidate pool is jockeying for votes from their conservative base. Thus far, no candidate has gotten the base buzzing quite like billionaire real estate mogul and former reality-TV star Donald J. Trump, and at a campaign stop in Iowa this week, he unveiled part of a proposal he’ll make if elected that sources close to The Donald say he believes will put him in even more advantageous position in the primary.

“Camp Trump will be the absolute premier destination for Muslims if I’m elected,” Trump told a rally crowd in Grass Valley, Iowa Thursday morning. “It’ll be their favorite spot, some might say it’ll be the only place the want to or maybe can go,” Trump said with a grin, “and not just for vacations. But to live there. Permanently.” Mr. Trump then pulled a large, velvety sheet off of the the three-dimensional model of Camp Trump that was placed just to his right.

The plans include a tennis court, a volleyball court, and sixteen linked, massive fields that the Muslims staying at Camp Trump can “farm and work to their unpaid hearts’ content,” according to Trump. “The way I figure it,” he said, adding, “I’m paying for the camp, which means they get to stay for free, which means you know, we can expect them to do at least a little bit, a touch, scoche, a tit-bit-nit of manual labor, can’t we?”

After the rally, Trump was assailed with questions from the press corps. One reporter asked if what Mr. Trump was proposing was just a dressed-up concentration camp. “Yes, of course it’s a concentration camp,” Trump bellowed, “We built it so that Muslims can concentrate on being less Muslimish.” Trump said that expecting people to “drop any and all cultural ties to their mother country helps create a homogenized environment where people who are different aren’t treated as well” and that this is “completely in line with what America is really all about.”


“This is going to be the very best in concentration camps; the most luxurious one out there,” Trump said pointing to the racquetball court that’s right next to the Christian church that camp goers will be expected to attend for “maybe six, seven hours a day, until they’re not so Muslim-y,” Trump explained.  “I don’t put the Trump name on failures, ever,” he said with pride as he placed one of his fingers on the cinema complex that will run “nothing but great American films from great American directors.”

“It’s like Camp Snoopy at Knott’s Berry Farm except for Muslims,” Trump said as he was getting back into his limousine that would take him to the air strip that his private jet was waiting for him at, “and you know, they can’t like leave and stuff. Oh and there’s only one roller coaster. But it just takes you to the fields so you can work. You know, American style and stuff.”

With just under a year before the election, and just a matter of weeks until the Iowa caucuses, Trump still enjoys a comfortable lead in most nationally-recognized polling.


Republished from The Political Garbage Chute.

 

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About James Schlarmann 1453 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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