Everyone, Welcome Lindsey Graham to 2016!

“My party has gone bat-shit crazy.” – Senator Lindsey Graham, 2/25/2016, Washington Press Club Foundation

Yes, that’s a very real quote, as cited by several sources who attended the dinner at which Graham reportedly unleashed on his entire party, having just been run out of the presidential race himself a couple weeks ago. Look, I could be a really snarky asshole and point out the fact that Graham should be careful just how wide a net he casts, because he has helped crazy-up his own party with all his insane rhetoric about Obamacare and the fact that he and John McCain never met a war they didn’t want to get involved in, but I think I’m going to take the high road and simply welcome Senator Graham to 2016.

Graham apparently was feeling extra frisky because he hit everyone that night. He said Ben Carson was “the nice guy” in the race, but reminded everyone he “tried to kill someone” in the next breath. Ol’ Lindsey must really have felt good last night because he also said that “If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, no one would convict you.”

Lindsey, who is writing your jokes? I want to hire them! That was a straight right you landed right to Cruz’s nose there. And it’s also very true; Ted Cruz is loathed by everyone he meets. Reading stories from his former college roommate about him warms the heart, but having Graham confirm what pretty much everyone in the world thought was true about Cruz anyway is simply delicious, isn’t it?

So this is great, one Republican seems to have found a time machine and gotten himself all the way to the present day. Or is it just that now that he doesn’t have to pander to the base he can speak honestly, where as when he’s running for office, he was to chum the waters? I mean, are we really willing to admit that a politician would lie and/or misrepresent himself to voters? Never, right?

Somehow, though, I have a feeling Graham’s newly found honest will go away rather quickly. It’s kind of like the 2012 autopsy his party did on that year’s ass kicking they got at the polls. The results that came back pretty much warned them of this exact scenario happening, and instead of looking hard and fast at their policies, they equivocated and dug in. I won’t take Lindsey Graham’s sudden awakening from his coma as anything of import until he can prove through his actions that he truly understands how bat-shit crazy his party has become.

He could do that by being a voice of reason and telling his fellow Republicans to allow President Obama’s Supreme Court nominee to get a fair hearing and vote. He doesn’t have to promise they’ll confirm the nomination; he just has to get his party to stop acting like petulant assholes. If thy




About James Schlarmann 1480 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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