Fuck The Republicans. It’s Time For Political War.

I’m starting to think the events of the last few months, and the last week in particular, have turned me a little bitter. A little hostile. A little cynical. And the evidence I have for my recent catharsis is that I’m ready for all-out political warfare.

Please, please, please let me be clear: I’m not talking about actual warfare. Fuck that. I don’t want to live through the sequel to the Civil War, and I don’t want my kids to either. But I’m ready to fight tooth and nail, and I will encourage and cheer on any politician who sticks their thumb in the eye of the president in some form of protest.

From this point on, the GOP needs to be on alert: They go low, we fuck their mothers in front of them and go lower.

Under no uncertain terms should any Democratic Senator aid and abet the Republican Party in finishing their most disgustingly partisan maneuver. The party that decided impeaching a president over a goddamned blowjob doesn’t get to steal a Supreme Court selection from a guy who was elected twice. Democrats voting to confirm Trump’s nominees at this point aren’t doing “the right thing for the country,” they’re being mealy-mouthed, spineless, gutless, cowards. And fuck them for that.

The GOP pilfered that fucking pick from us, the over 65 million people who voted for Obama in 2012. We did so knowing the Constitution says the president picks Supreme Court justices. The rule doesn’t say, “Unless he’s black and about to end his second term.” But Republicans made that rule up and ripped the seat away from Obama and the rest of us. If the Democrats in the Senate want to honor us, their constituents, at all, they will obstruct and block Neil Gorsuch’s nomination and force the Republicans to go nuclear, killing the filibuster once and for all.

The insulting part — that I’m really livid isn’t being driven home every single day in every single report media outlets file about Trump — is that we won. By any measure where more points, or votes, wins…we won. So you know what? Let the fucking Republicans go nuclear. Let them kill the filibuster.

We’ll make them pay.

It’s not really a surprise the GOP stole Obama’s last SCOTUS pick. That is to say, it shouldn’t be a surprise that the party of racist endorsements and dog whistle rhetoric about “unAmerican” Democratic presidents would yank a SCOTUS pick from the first black president. But they’d have done the same thing to a white Democrat too. Yet, now that Democrats are in a position to stall Neil Gorsuch’s nomination, we’re being told that’s obstruction on an unforgivable level, and after they threatened to stonewall all of Hillary Clinton’s choices for her entire presidency.

The point is, that this is our country, too, goddamnit.

We need to let the Repulicans burn this fucking thing to the ground, and then be in their faces every day with a protest about their failure. We need to be incessantly and doggedly reminding them how bad they’ve made things. The ramifications of their shit policies need to be forced down their throats and into the eyeballs and ears of every savable voter.

Every. Fucking. Generation. Of. Americans. Gets. Held. Back. By. Scared. Conservatives. It’s happening again. With the worst people ever. Trump’s cabinet is a who’s who of misanthropic, self-serving, corporatist douchebags. The fight for our ability to self-govern has never been more important. The Electoral College has now shown us twice in 20 years how dangerous it is, and if we survive the next few years, it’s time for it to go so we’re never put in this ridiculous position again.

The bullshit has to end. Maybe the only way for it to end is for the country to watch the Republicans bumblefuck it into oblivion. I know that’s fucked up to say to people in red states that need our help, to “Burn it down,” but I have a spot on my couch. I have a garage. Maybe I can only house a few at a time, but I would seriously open my house up to any Trump refugee from another state any time.

Move out here. Come to my big, beautiful, blue state oasis away from Trumpfuckistan. Come see our sixth largest economy in the world. Come see how amazing it is to have food and culture from all over the world right at your finger tips. Come bask in the libtarded glory that is warm sunshine, laid back, friendly people, and you know, almost a total lack of religious right bullshit keeping you from just enjoying your life.





And just in case you aren’t sure if now is the time to gird your loins, roll up your sleeves, and get into the fray, please read this piece from The Nation regarding a leaked draft of an executive order Trump may sign. If you have any respect for the First or Fourteenth Amendments, you will be knocked to the floor by what you read. These are the fucking stakes, everyone. The minute Trump signs this order, if he has the balls to sign it, it’s time to flood the streets in protest. The First Amendment is the most important legal framework ever created. It cannot suffer an attack like this without a fight.

Leaked Draft of Trump’s Religious Freedom Order Reveals Sweeping Plans to Legalize Discrimination

The exemptions, Lederman said, could themselves violate federal law or license individuals and private parties to violate federal law. “Moreover,” he added, “the exemptions would raise serious First Amendment questions, as well, because they would go far beyond what the Supreme Court has identified as the limits of permissive religious accommodations.”

Whatever happens next, Democrats need to be willing to let the Republicans go nuclear. Do not cede the floor. Do not go quietly. Yes. Rebellions (and resistances) are built on hope. But you have to be willing to get into the fucking ring once and awhile, too.

I’m just a clown. A dumb fucking comedian. You guys are all better than I am at everything. Please, for the love of God, call your reps. Implore the bought and paid for whores to dig in. Roll up their sleeves. AND FUCKING FIGHT. This clown is going to fight like hell.

Are you?

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About James Schlarmann 1453 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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