FBI Trying to Convince Apple “It Doesn’t Count” If It Comes Through Back Door

The U.S. Justice Department is attempting to cajole Apple into granting it rear entry to iPhones by claiming doing so would not violate the tech company’s ethical standards.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation has told Apple that it wants to “get all up in that iPhone” that belonged to the individuals who carried out a deadly terrorist attack in San Bernardino, CA, late last year. The Cupertino, CA, computer giant has steadfastly denied the agency’s request, citing a promise to its customers to not let anyone else in and violate their privacy.

In response, the Justice Department has launched “Operation Black Cherry,” which reportedly aims to coax Apple into allowing agents to probe the device through a back door by insisting doing so would not equate to a violation of the company’s vow to consumers.

“Apple shouldn’t be scared to let us come in through their back door,” said Michael Kortan, assistant director of public affairs for the FBI. “I know they want to remain pure in the eyes of their customers, but it doesn’t count if they let us in through the back door. Everybody knows that.”

He further contends, “Lots of other manufacturers do it. They just don’t make a big stink about it.”

Kortan maintains the FBI will “be gentle” and not hurt Apple’s reputation while exploring the dark secrets of the iPhone in question.

Meanwhile, Apple asserts its designers never intended that anyone penetrate their product the way the FBI is suggesting, something Kortan deems as “outdated thinking” and a “lame excuse.”

“They need to stop fighting it and just let us have that back door,” Kortan adds. “Sure, it might get a little messy, but we don’t mind. Besides, Apple might even discover they like it.”


Republished from The Red Shtick.



About Jeremy White 49 Articles
Jeremy White is an engineer by education, but a smartass by birth, who refused to let his technical background stand in the way of his dream of making fun of people. He's the founder and publisher of the satirical and irreverent humor site TheRedShtick.com
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