When Are Conservatives Going to Address Fox Newsmen on Fox Newswomen Crime?

As New York Magazine is now reporting, it appears that Fox News has decided that the 13 millionth time is the charm, and it’s time for Bill O’Reilly to pack his shit and go.

According to sources briefed on the discussions, network executives are preparing to announce O’Reilly’s departure before he returns from an Italian vacation on April 24. Now the big questions are how the exit will look and who will replace him. (sources)

While it’s all well and good for O’Reilly to be fired, is that really enough? In a broader sense, are they in fact doing enough to address the larger issue — Fox Newsman on Fox Newswomen crime? It seems me that paying out over $13 million dollars to make O’Reilly’s victims stay hushed-up would be evidence of a one-man crime spree. Add to it that Roger Ailes, the former CEO of Fox News, was let go for essentially the same exact reasons, and you’re left with the question of whether or not there’s a culture of criminality at Fox News that simply must be addressed.

How can we come to any other conclusion than this being a problem ingrained in culture of white people who work at Fox? After all, we don’t see this kind of rampant, scandalous behavior at BET, do we?  We don’t hear about anchors at CNN being harassed by one another. Not a single person has accused Rachel Maddow of being a grabby paws. So again, I ask, when will conservatives address this?

Over the years, there hasn’t been a single cable news network with more accusations of sexually explicit and inappropriate conduct than Fox News. The numbers just don’t lie. The network is the center of an explosive uptick in sexual misconduct at media outlets, and we simply cannot afford to keep letting them do this to themselves. The truth though, is that Fox Newspeople will have to help themselves; hold themselves accountable.




We cannot dither. We cannot be distracted by other issues. Clearly this is the most important and pressing thing happening in media today, and we must address it before we do anything else on any other subject or issue.

I don’t think we can talk about crime in Chicago, or undocumented immigrants, or repealing Obamacare until we stem the tide of sexual assault at Fox News. Won’t anyone think of the white Fox Newswomen? Shouldn’t we be doing everything in our power to break this cycle of abuse and criminality?

The tough question, of course, is what do we do about all these sex offenders at Fox News. We can’t just let them out onto the streets, can we? Even when Fox fires O’Reilly, that doesn’t mean his reign of sexually-charged terror has to end. What if he goes to another network and starts trying to dip his shriveled old Montblanc in his new employer’s inkwell? No, clearly we have to think outside the box here.

Clearly what we have to do is get down to the bottom of why these things keep happening at Fox. Do they come from single parent homes? As we all know after years of watching O’Reilly and his friends on Fox, the number one way to tell if someone is going to turn out bad is if they come from a one parent home. Even if it’s not their fault that their parents aren’t married, the truth is that single parent homes and the decline of the traditional Christian marriage are the only reasons bad things happen in this country anymore.

We can all agree that Bill O’Reilly being fired is a good first step. However, if we do not get to the heart of the issue, and if conservatives never take responsibility for Fox Newsman on Fox Newswoman crime, the problem will never fully go away. Let’s all send our thoughts and prayers to Fox News, shall we?


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1311 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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