But Where Will They Get Their Bullshit? Fox News Pulled From U.K. Over Lack of Viewership

Today, I found out that vapid, vacuous, flapping maw in a blonde wig Tammy Lahren will be joining Fox News. I’m not surprised by this. If anyone belongs on that network’s airwaves, it’s the dumb shit who unironically compares the KKK to Black Lives Matter. So, congrats Timmy! Of course, I wonder if she realizes that she’ll have to work in New York, with all those libtarded media elites. In fact, I wonder if she realizes that now she is a member of the media elite. Because Fox News is in the mainstream. They can’t boast about their ratings being so high and then claim to be some

I’m going to be vomiting so much more now that Timmy is going to be on Fox News. They’re going to plaster her screeching, blonde face all over the place. I mean, they have to, because they have to keep their audience horny and ill-informed, right? So gross. But you know who won’t be vomiting more because of Tonsillectomy’s presence on Fox? People living in the United Kingdom.

As if I needed one more reason to be jealous of the UK, news breaks today that makes me even greener than before. They have socialized healthcare, are the home to The Beatles, and now they don’t have Fox News anymore. No, seriously, news broke today that the parent company that owns Fox News is yanking it off British airwaves because almost no one watches it. Estimates are that Fox News gets less than 2,000 daily viewers across the pond, and it’s been decided that it should just go away.

So not only does someone living in the UK not have to worry about getting sick and being able to afford a doctor, now they don’t have to worry about getting sick after watching Redundant Blonde With Big Tits scream at them about how white people are the real persecuted ones in America. I gotta be honest, hearing this news makes me wish we’d lost the Revolutionary War. I mean, sure, I like the Constitution. I love freedom of fuckfacing, nipple-twisting speech. But I abhor Fox News, so would I give up all the good stuff America has just so I didn’t have to see Eric Bolling’s dumb face, or hear Sean Hannity’s whining about one thing or another?




I don’t know. You tell me, Your Highness.

I cannot be the only one who has found Republicans screaming about “FAKE NEWS!” in the Trump era to be laughable right? The same group that has pretended liberals wage a war on Christmas every year is going to lecture us on what real journalism is? The same group of people that dragged Seth Rich’s body all over the airwaves, propping up a gross conspiracy theory about his murder that even Seth’s own family wanted Fox News to knock it off is going to give us all pointers on how to spot bullshit all of a sudden?

How rich.

The lies of Fox News are so voluminous I’d have to devote, approximately, 15.2 trillion words to describing them all now. I’m just not going to do that. But suffice to say that when it comes to lying or leaving out the full details of a story, few “news” organizations have done it so successfully as Fox has.

Then again, I’m not so stupid as to think it’s the lies that are what’s getting Fox pulled from the UK. It’s the ratings. Fox’s ratings in the UK are abysmal, and when less than 5,000 people will care that they pulled the plug, there’s no real risk for Fox in doing it. I just wish Americans were so lucky.

 

 

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About James Schlarmann 1406 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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