Verily I say unto you, Franklin Graham – Frankie, Frankie, Frankie, whatever shall I do with you? I am exhausted by these continuous conversations ! Do I need to burn a bush or two? Look Human, and listen up. I have truly had it with you!
I heard you Saturday in Mobile at that con artist’s “rally” spouting some right-winged bullshit about how people praying to me was the reason Orange Satan won the election.
“I don’t have any scientific information. I don’t have a stack of emails to read to you. But I have an opinion: I believe it was God. God showed up. He answered the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people across this land who had been praying for this country.” (Wash Examiner)
About that. Yeah, I don’t really do the election gig. I did this free will thing and kinda set y’all loose down there to figure it out on your own. I may need to rethink that, but I’ve been busy with much more important work.
If I did decide though, how would you categorize me? Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush Jr, Obama. Then fucking Trump? HAHAHAHAHA! Oops, sorry about that thunder. I just laughed so hard I farted.
A year ago you left the GOP in a hissy fit when they didn’t completely defund Planned Parenthood over some highly edited, misleading videos. You claimed it was “reminiscent of Joseph Mengele and the Nazi concentration camps!” Jesus Christ! My Son, that is.
You already make $880,000 per year. You aren’t the poster boy for Christian sacrifice and any vow of poverty. Remember what I said about it being easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than a rich man up here in Heaven? Write down that verse and memorize it.
And when that archangel Trump praises you like this, you have problems:
“I want to thank so many great people, but having Franklin Graham, who was so instrumental, I tell you, we won so big with evangelical Christians. We won so big,” Trump said. “Where is Franklin? He’s around. He’s right there. What a great — there he is. Look at him. He works so hard. Thank you, Franklin. Anybody that has anything to do with the great Billy Graham, I love, and that’s the son, and that son is great.”
Your dad certainly was a much better human. I like the old guy. No, he wasn’t perfect, but nobody is. But thank Me he never sold his soul for politics like you have.
Take this post from October, when Trump was outed as bragging about sexual assault. You said:
“The crude comments made by Donald J. Trump more than 11 years ago cannot be defended,” Graham wrote in a Facebook post. “But the godless progressive agenda of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton likewise cannot be defended.” (Christian Post)
What? I’m omniscient, and I don’t know what the hell that means! Except you are a one issue voter, and you are willing to take the word of a lying, thrice divorced grifter who may burn down the country for even the chance that your one issue will be “fixed”. And no, it’s not abortion, the faux rallying cry of the religious right. Your plan is to have your religion everywhere so you can make more money off of it. I have your number, Frankie.
You make me regret that rainbow promise of no more floods all by yourself, Franklin. It really is time for you to get out of the game before you lose anymore young folks. Give it up, go play golf and nap, and let someone a little less insane take over the asylum.
And quit blaming me for this election. You reap what you sow, bless your ignorant, overpaid, egotistical heart.