Give It a Rest. Bernie Sanders is Completely Electable

Let’s be real: It’s looking very possible that Donald J. Trump will either be the Republican presidential nominee this year or he will mount an independent run that could pull enough votes away from the Republican nominee to ensure a Democratic victory. Yes, even against Bernie Sanders. But Sanders doesn’t need that to happen in order to win. In fact, it’s time to put to bed altogether this notion that Bernie Sanders is unelectable; clearly he’s not, and clearly this year voters that both major parties have depended on to be theirs no matter what are raising their middle fingers to that notion.

Have You Seen the Polls Lately?

Polls are of course only as good as the people conducting them, and polls can be ridiculously bad at predicting things. But as of right now, Bernie beats both Trump and Cruz handily. The whole thing about Hillary winning a lot of popular votes in the primary states she’s won is that they were a lot of states that will go red in the general anyway. So we’re back to the idea that according to the polls at least, Sanders has every bit the shot that Clinton does to wallop the GOP’s candidate.

Then again, this is America. We do dumb stuff proudly here. All hail President Trump.

Millennials Love Bernie

Scoff if you want to at this fact, but if you think the undeniable truth that young Democratic voters lean hardcore Bernie isn’t a) a pain Hillary’s ass and b) exactly like the huge surge of young voters that helped elect President Obama in 2008, then I can’t help you live a life free of walking into walls and forgetting where you put your pants. If Sanders is the nominee, you could see a massive tidal wave of voters who are pulling the handle — for the very first time in their lives — for Bernie.

Democrats should already grasp this, but just in case you forgot: You all are a coalition now. What that means is that primary fights are going to be nasty because the factions are going to fight for control of the big machine’s direction, but you need each other. Write off the Millennial vote at your own peril. Convincing them that voting for Hillary isn’t selling him out in the General Election should be a very real goal of yours, if you’re a Clinton supporter that is.

He’s Not a Fucking Republican

This may in fact be his biggest selling point, really. At the end of the day, if Bernie ends up being the nominee, it is almost a certainty that Hillary supporters will pivot and vote for him like they did for Obama in 2008. They may be leery of some his promises, but in the end the thought of Republicans controlling all three branches of government while they are currently trying to decide whether to run an attention whore failure of a trust fund baby, or the least douchey of two junior Senators, both of whom are religious nuts who think they should have more say in a rape victim’s reproductive decisions than the rape victim should will drive a lot of people to whomever the Democrats run up there.

Which of course is all the more reason why the DNC’s apparent attempts to stifle debate are puzzling. People should get that as long as they don’t throw a tantrum and completely sit this November’s election out, it will still most likely be Republican vs. Sane People. It might be Republican vs. Sane People vs. Crazy Attention Whore Reality TV Star, but in that equation, the odds look even better for the “Not a Republican” candidate.

A Lot of Us Aren’t Frightened by Socialism – We Know We Already Have it Here

The Socialism Curse just isn’t a thing, like at all. Yes, lolbertarians and other right-wingers will forever and ever recoil in horror at the mere mention of it, but for the rest of us, socialism is a big fat “Who fucking cares?” A lot of us view the military industrial complex as a form of socialism because taxpayers pay the defense contractors’ bids, and the people are the government. We feed, clothe, shelter and educate every single veteran, and give them free health care for life. That is what democratic socialism looks like. As is Social Security and Medicare.

A lot of us understand one of the big things of the last century was the New Deal, and that indeed it fundamentally reshaped the relationship between our government and its citizens. A lot of us think that’s a good thing, and a lot of us think Bernie Sanders is the dude who best represents a return to that promise. So socialism-schmocialism as far as we’re concerned. It doesn’t mean we don’t want his math to add up, it just means we don’t have to accept Reaganomics as our only economic platform.

 

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About James Schlarmann 1085 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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