GOP Debate “Highlights” Make Me Realize Why Countries Make Fun of Us When We Elect Republicans

I’ve been lucky enough in my lifetime to have met and made friends from all over the globe. It’s a small world, to borrow a phrase, when you can chat with someone across the Atlantic or Pacific and get an international point of view on things. It’s how I know, for instance, that socialized medicine doesn’t result in imprisonment gangs roaming the street and locking up sick and old people to go and euthanize them. Watching last night’s debate highlights — and I use that term ironically as hell — makes me see in crystal clear, stark reality why people in other countries laugh at us and try to keep us away from them every time we elect Republicans as our presidents.

Look at Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, and Ted Cruz all trying to out-asshole each other last night. Which one would be shittier to Muslims — of which there are over one and a half billion people on this planet? Which one would be more terrible to Mexicans? Whose plan to militarize the border and make it seem like we’re at war with our neighbors to the South is the better one? Who thinks helping the poor get medicine is un-American the most?

And then…oh then…you have…this.

(h/t Slate)

If you sat through that video long enough, you got to where Trump says to Cruz after the Texan Republican told the billionaire mogul reality-TV star to calm down, “You’re the basket case.”

It was stinging, it was true, but well, it could’ve been said about everyone on the stage. Yes, even Kasich. Because Kasich is that classic brand of social conservative that hides his bat shit crazy ideas of telling a woman what to do with her own body behind flowery, conciliatory prose. But he still, ultimately, feels that the federal government should have a say in what a woman does or doesn’t do with her own uterus.

Watching that clip is fun, don’t get me wrong, because you really can see why Republicans make America the laughingstock of the world. They stood there for a full minute and a half just yelling over each other. Imagine any of them in a situation that requires diplomacy. Oh wait, I forgot that to Republicans diplomacy is for pussies and the French.


That was just one weird moment in the debate. Then you had Ben Carson saying that for him, choosing a Supreme Court Justice means you have to make a fruit salad, or something. You had Republican candidates bashing a big business guy for doing what big business guys do — breaking the business regulations to make a buck — and usually Republicans are the ones telling us to just let big business do whatever the hell it wants.

This party is a complete and utter mess; a joke. And the more I think about it, the more I think that Bush v. Gore was a decision that Republicans thought they’d love for all their days, but that might ultimately be the proton torpedo down their exhaust shaft that sets off the chain reaction and destroys them like this:

Bush v. Gore gave Republicans back the White House in 2000, and it ushered in, ultimately, the last eight years of Republican reign. Since then though, they’ve been absolutely pummeled at the ballot box — at least during presidential election cycles, and this debate proves why. They got cocky after the Dubya years, and they must really have not realized that the Internet has made reality and truth so much more easily available, that to dispel bullshit doesn’t take much more than a Google or two. There were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, for instance, and so when Trump lays an absolute truth bomb on them during a debate about that very fact, it’s like that proton torpedo finding its mark, and that’s to say nothing of when he’s insulting and picking on every single candidate, but still forcing them, ultimately, to agree with his absurd policy proposals.

Having lost five of the last six popular vote counts, you would think they’d realize that a lot of people don’t think they should be trusted with the executive branch right now. Then again, looking at voter turnout for the primaries so far should give Democrats pause, because Republicans are coming out in droves, and yes, they are choosing Trump while the other “establishment” candidates fight over the electoral scraps. But the display Republicans put on last night proves that they didn’t learn anything after 2008 or 2012 like they should have, and that they are still completely delusional as to how they are perceived outside their conservative circle jerk.

That doesn’t mean they can’t or won’t win, by the way. Turnout is everything. I’m just saying that if they win, get ready for at least another four years of being mocked mercilessly by people who live outside our borders, and after last night’s debate, it’ll be well-earned if that does happen.

Comments

comments

About James Schlarmann 1465 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
Twitter Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com