You Know What? The Roy Moore/Donald Trump Party Can STFU About Al Franken

The Internet, social media especially, is awash in chatter about the allegations of groping and unwanted kissing levied against Senator Al Franken of Minnesota.

Rightly so, I’d imagine.

Despite Franken issuing a very, pardon the term, frank apology, it seems like people both on the left and right aren’t quite done excoriating him over this new development. This isn’t where I’m going to defend his actions; they were wrong, full-stop. Although I can say as a comedian that I can speak to what Franken meant in his apology when he said “Coming from the world of comedy, I’ve told and written a lot of jokes that I once thought were funny but later came to realize were just plain offensive,” because I too have said and done some truly offensive things in the name of comedy, and I’m not about to go around apologizing for all them now, because comedy is supposed to burn itself at the edges of acceptability; and I will fart at anyone who fights me on this.

As much as I understand the left for wanting to hold their own accountable, because we all know the right is in a fight to save a sexual predator’s chances for a senate seat — and we’ll get to that very shortly — I do think the context of what happened is important. But regardless, I think liberals deserve credit for not allowing even one of our most cherished champions get away with shit we tell the right they shouldn’t put up with, either.

But, the Right? The American right-wing of its political spectrum? Well, you get responses like this one, from the President of the United States…

Donald J. Trump on Twitter

The Al Frankenstien picture is really bad, speaks a thousand words. Where do his hands go in pictures 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 while she sleeps? …..

And you get Twitter hashtags demanding Franken be thrown out of the Senate. To me, when I subject myself to the right-wing noise about Franken, it goes down like this: Blah blah blah blah blah...OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY ARE YOU TALKING BECAUSE YOU GUYS ELECTED A GUY WHO BRAGGED ABOUT DOING FAR WORSE THAN FRANKEN WAS PHOTOGRAPHED DOING!

Sorry, but if you’re out there castigating Franken but you voted for Locker Room Talk McGee — you’re too hypocritically stupid for words. Trump, the orange savior of the right, dragged his tongue all over the place on that infamous Access Hollywood tape, proud of the fact that he “moves on” women like “a bitch,” and thanks to Republicans, we now have “Grab them by the pussy” to sit next to “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” and “with malice towards none” in the annals of presidential loquaciousness.

Instead of using this moment as a time to go, “You know, when even the guys who respect women are given to lapses of judgment like this, we should probably all come together and talk about how we teach our kids to move past this shit,” we get right-wing screeching and equivocating. And we get the biggest, most orange hypocrite tap dancing all the way to Twitter to drag Franken, and he’s got over a dozen accusations of sexual misconduct against him.

And let’s just take a moment to talk about something else — Franken’s mistakes are easy to spot, but he was being inappropriate with an adult, who at least ostensibly, had more power to stand up to him. Judge Roy Moore preyed on pubescent girls, and former Speaker of the House Denny “Clinton’s Blowjob Is The Worst Thing Evarrrrr” Hastert? He preyed on teenage boys. So call me crazy, Republicans, but I don’t think you should be bringing up anyone’s sexual misconduct unless you’re ready to stop defending hebephilia anytime soon.

Just to reiterate — I’m not defending Franken’s decisions. I’m saying pussy grabbing trust fund racists and the dipshits who support him need to shut the fuck up about Franken’s mistakes, is all. Now, to be fair, Anthony Weiner clearly has a jail bait problem, but, hey, he’s in like jail and shit. Trump is still running the country.

I’m saying that people who wore this shirt last year…

…do not get to crow about Al Franken. Ever.

So, please, by all means, let’s have some constructive, open, and candid dialogue about social issues like the treatment of women. Let’s be intellectually honest and hold everyone on either side of the aisle accountable. But, for the love of fuck, let us not give any credence to or legitimize the concern trolling of Donald Fuckface Trump or anyone who voted for him. It belittles us all, and most importantly? It belittles victims of sexual abuse.

So please, Trump supporters?

Shut. The. Fuck. Up. About. Al. Franken.

Thanks.

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About James Schlarmann 1453 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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