Do Harvey Victims Who Are Also Trumpers Like Taxes If They Pay for FEMA Relief?

Here’s a semi-serious question I have for every Trump supporter who also happens to be a victim of Hurricane Harvey: Does your hatred of taxes stop when your life depends on FEMA relief?

I don’t want to be callous dick. And I should say for the record that I don’t begrudge anyone help in their time of need. That’s sort of a hallmark of a modern liberal, after all, the ability to not prioritize money over people. So don’t take my snark here as some kind of insinuation that victims of the hurricane don’t deserve help from FEMA. All I’m saying is that with 9 trillion gallons of dumped rain and counting, it’s going to be an expensive and time consuming task to rebuild the Gulf Coast in Harvey’s wake, and the only way we do that is how?

Taxes.


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Oh, I hear you, Trumpers. I hear that you want us to lean on the free capitalist market to help you rebuild your community. And that’s fine. I mean, of course private companies will have to be engaged to rebuild the areas destroyed by the hurricane. There will simply be too much work for any one agency, or company, for that matter to do all on its own. But, who is going to pay all those contractors? Where will the money — that’s going to need to be liquid and available right away — come from?

Taxes.

I get it, Trumplodytes. The government is too big. Spending is out of control, bigly. And that’s why we have to gut the social safety net. Screw the poor. Screw the elderly. We need the government o spend less. Except on disaster relief, am I right? I mean, we can’t cut FEMA, can we? Wait, what’s that you say? Trump’s FEMA director actually wants to cut the budget for flood prone areas? Well, that seems smart doesn’t it? Can someone in the Gulf Coast in a MAGA hat please let me know how you feel about your Orange Savior cutting the amount of money available to help people whose lives are ruined by flooding, caused by Hurricane Harvey? Seems to me like some government spending is necessary, if not good. And how do we pay for that government spending on disaster relief, again?

Taxes.




No matter how you try, it’s impossible to get away from the fact that taxes are what fund relief efforts. A scenario in which a community impacted by the hurricane would have to rally their resources together before they started to rebuild is laughable, and frankly unnecessary. There has never been a richer country in the history of our species. We have people that have more money than God living here, and we’re still arguing over whether taxes should even exist? How can anyone look at the news reports of Hurricane Harvey and decide that working class families should or even can rebuild without the help of a large, centralized government ensuring that the money needed to fund the relief effort is there?

To me, this proves how stupid the “All Taxes Are Theft” argument really is. It’s a matter of perspective, which that side seems to always be sorely lacking. I don’t know a single person who enjoys, truly enjoys, paying taxes. But the thing is, a lot of us have figured out that they’re necessary, and when you watch literal trillions of gallons of water dumped on an area, setting it up for truly horrific scenarios that will require billions of dollars to get through, it only makes taxation all the more necessary.

Of course, I have no delusions that Republicans will be able to grasp this kind of logic. After all, Texas has two senators — John Corynyn and Ted Cruz — who both voted against increasing FEMA aid to the victims of Hurricane Sandy, which obliterated parts of the Jersey shore. Guess who was lined up early though, asking for FEMA to set aside funds immediately for the victims of Harvey? That’s right, the same two sociopaths who thought those Yankees in Jersey didn’t deserve the same kind of help they’re demanding now that the rain-soaked shoe is on the other foot.


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Hypocrisy is the stock and trade of the anti-government crowd though, isn’t it?

They’re pro-life until the baby comes shooting out of the vagina. They’re pro-life until they need to execute a mentally disabled person with DNA evidence that seems to exonerate them. They’re anti-big government unless that big government is in our bedroom telling us who we can fuck, or in our living rooms telling us which plant we can smoke. Hypocrisy is the currency they trade in, and even though we all see it, that doesn’t mean the Republican base does. In fact, I bet a ton of Trumpers will take FEMA checks while also complaining about the tyrannical nature of taxation in the first place.

Up is down, down is up, and tax hating, gun toting patriots will still cash their checks from FEMA. And of course they should

 

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About James Schlarmann 1446 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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