In the light of questions surrounding the security of her emails while Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton has promised to bulk up security once elected president. Hoping to avoid future witch hunts Congressional hearings, the Clinton campaign intends to emphasize cyber security as part of her transition agenda.
Fielding questions from reporters at a campaign stop, Hillary Clinton stated that the utmost importance would be placed on keeping classified information safe. Pressed on the details, she stated that after consulting with her daughter, Chelsea’s two children would be enlisted as IT consultants in her administration.
“Sure, I know they’re just kids and Aidan hasn’t even learned to roll over yet, but I have the greatest confidence they will grow into the job. Plus, have you tried to hire an IT consulting firm recently? You call a customer support desk in India and get passed around for hours, only to have a ticket opened and closed with no answer.”
Reporters seemed skeptical as to whether or not her infant grandchildren were capable of handling such high-level and sensitive government technical matters.
Secretary Clinton was quick to respond and express her confidence in her new cybersecurity team.
“Charlotte already knows how to get around the parental filter I had installed on Bill’s iPhone, and it won’t be long before Aidan learns how to run the antivirus we also had to put on his browser.”
When asked about the ethics of involving child labor, Secretary Clinton emphasized creating American jobs and teaching children to compete in a post-industrial, technology-based economy.
“Rest assured, it takes a village to raise a child, and these children will be the future of my tough commitment to cyber security as your next President of the United States.”
We requested further details on cybersecurity in a Clinton White House, but were interrupted by former President Bill Clinton asking us if Snapchat really did delete pictures forever. You know, for a friend.