I Wonder If Donald Trump Made Ted Cruz Order Meatloaf Too?

Donnie and Teddy were sittin’ in a tree. Practically k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First came seventeen, then there were two. Then Donnie insulted Heidi for her looks (say boo!). After that, really, we all thought Ted Cruz was a little bit bad ass for refusing to endorse Trump.

Things were still tense in July, when Cruz refused to endorse Trump as the GOP nominee while speaking at the Republican National Convention.

He later explained his decision, saying, “I am not in the habit of supporting people who attack my wife and attack my father. That pledge [to endorse the eventual nominee] was not a blanket commitment that if you go and slander and attack Heidi, that I’m going to nonetheless come like a puppy dog and say, ‘Thank you very much for maligning my wife and maligning my father.’ ” (People)

He held on for about thirty seconds. Then, unfortunately, he morphed back into the Ted Cruz we all know and hate faster than you can say, “Texas brisket” and rolled over for Trump onto all fours for a rousing game of “find the dildo I tried to ban in my home state”.

Personally, I never understood how Heidi could stand to look at Lyin’ Ted after that. Career or no career, the man insulted her in front of the world! Just about the time I would have been narrowing down which poison to lace his coffee with, Teddy Boy went back to Washington. I cannot imagine the conversation when Ted told Heidi they were going to have dinner with Trump and his slightly illegal third wife Melania. Why she did not say, “Fuck no!” I will never understand. That would have been my last straw, if I even had any left.


“Hey Heidi, let’s go have dinner with Donnie tonight!”

“Oh, Ted, that sounds just delightful. Could we take the girls, too?”

“Absolutely. This will be such a fantabulous treat they will never forget.”

“I’m so lucky to be married to such an important man. Dining with the President. Look how far we have come.”

“And all we had to do was have him insult you, my father, and me! Isn’t life just like a Disney movie?” <insert singing animals>

Ewww. What is wrong with these people? What kind of man, if he is any kind of man, expects his wife to go smile and have dinner not only with the man who insulted her, but also with the woman who he used to insult her? And what type of woman allows herself to be used in this manner? And truly, what parents take their little girls to meet the pathological lying narcissist who accused their grandfather of being involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy? I do not care if he is the President or the King of Everything! What the hell people?

There is a line, and Trump definitely crossed it. But look on the bright side; they taught their children a valuable lesson. It’s okay for people to treat you and your family like shit, so long as it advances your career. After all, that is what is most important in life. I hope he enjoyed the meatloaf.

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About Renee Webb 297 Articles
Renee is a recovering Conservative who lives at the intersection of the Bible Belt and the Hypocrisy Highway.
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