Why All the Fuss? Republicans Would Have Been Fine With Chelsea Sitting In For Hillary at G20

In case you missed it, on the last day of the G20 summit — the meeting of the twenty richest and most powerful nations in the world — First Lady Ivanka Trump filled in for her father at a leaders’ table. BBC News and a whole host of outlets reported on the story.

The US president had stepped away for a meeting with the Indonesian leader during the G20 meeting. Ms Trump is an adviser to her father, but a leader’s absence is usually covered by high-ranking officials. A BBC correspondent at the summit said he could recall no similar precedent. There has been widespread criticism on social media. (source)

Predictably, the left has lit up Trump and his daughter for this faux-pas.  Some, like this guy, made sure to bring up the inconsistencies in what Ivanka’s said in the past about staying out of politics. Less than a month ago she was saying such things.

Brian Klaas on Twitter

Ivanka, June 26: “I try to stay out of politics.” July 8: Seated with global leaders as an equal at the G20 summit. https://t.co/PLMz5fRUD1

Satirical commentator Ms. Betty Bowers had this take. Who knows, maybe Betty’s onto something and this could cost Ivanka bigly. Or it could amount to just empty covfefe.

Mrs. Betty Bowers on Twitter

Ivanka® getting a seat at G20 means she is subject to govt conflicts of interest rules. And people think seats at Hamilton are expensive!

And there was this tweet from Sarah Lerner. Reading it made me realize something, too.

Sarah Lerner on Twitter

I’m old enough to remember when people were mad that Chelsea Clinton sat on the Clinton Foundation’s board.

What I realized from Ms. Lerner’s tweet is that my fellow modern libtards are freaking out about nothing. Clearly this is just a big nothing burger. So what if no one cast a single vote for Ivanka? So what if it’s really weird to see the daughter of the president sitting in a seat at a table of literally the most powerful people in the world for no other reason than because she was once jizz in an old, orange man’s dick. But what does that really mean? And you know what?

If the tables were turned, I bet Republicans would be jumping for joy. Just picture it.

HAMBURG, GERMANY — President Hillary Rodham Clinton was in another meeting at the G20 summit today, and had her daughter, an unelected relative, sit in her place at a table with the most powerful leaders of the Western World. Later, President Clinton would say to the press it was “Totes McGotes cool” to do so, because she trusts her daughter with her life, and that she was only gone from the table for a short amount of time, while brokered a deal to sell 900 quabillion pounds of uranium to someone named Bob L. Terrorist.

Reached for comment, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan “completely agreed” with Madame President Clinton.

“She’s the president,” Ryan said, “and for the good of the nation, we have to come together for her. Plus, she may be a grown-ass adult with decades of life experience…but she’s new at this president thing, and we should help her along if possible.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, also a Republican, literally jumped for joy when he heard that Chelsea Clinton had sat in for her mothre.

“Well, that’s just fine and dandy by this old tortoise,” McConnell said, dabbing enormous tears from his massive, always wet eyes before they dribbled down his disgusting face to the pillowy, fatty mounds of flesh that are his necks, “and it shows true, American family values.”

Isn’t that exactly how they’d respond, the “Lock Her Up!” crowd? Of course it is. Why would we assume that they’d go off the deep end and demand Clinton’s impeachment and removal from office? Why would we presume, after watching them freak out over every benign sneeze, burp, or fart issued forth from Barack Obama that they’d lose their collective shit over something as trifling as a unelected daughter of the president sitting at a table with other heads of state, without any kind of official title bestowed on her?

Yup, I can just see it now, McConnell and Ryan high-fiving President Hitler-y Clint-stoned for letting her daughter sit in the Big Girl Chair for no good goddamned reason other than she couldn’t manage her schedule well enough to make sure she got her ass into a seat at a table.

Ivanka Trump sitting in Daddy-Lover’s chair isn’t the end of the world. Hell, it’s not even the most egregious example of the blatant nepotism and self-service that Trump and his family have engaged in…this week. It is, though, a pluperfect example of the selective outrage that fomented in this country for eight years over Obama, and that gave 62 million Republicans the clear conscience to vote for a bungling, bumbling, inept, tiny-fingered a-hole because of ZOMG EMAILS!

America. Home of the free, and the land of the stupid. Same as it ever was.

(Same as it ever was.)



About James Schlarmann 1479 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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