Amid growing speculation about a possible “white knight” candidate saving the GOP at a brokered Republican National Committee convention this summer, former Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal has promised to heroically swoop in during the gathering and rescue the party from its looming existential crisis.
This week, Jindal declared he will appear just in the nick of time at the RNC convention in July and deliver the Republican party from self-destruction while it attempts to nominate a presidential candidate in Cleveland.
“I, Bobby the Jindal, shall gallantly stride into the Quicken Loans Arena atop my comely steed at the moment of greatest despair and rancor amongst the Highest Order of Conservatives,” the former presidential hopeful explained in an op-ed piece for USA Today. “Wielding my quick tongue and considerable brain, I shall save the day, the party, and, therefore, America and the world.”
Jindal’s promise comes as more and more Republicans are becoming increasingly fearful about the utterly devastating effects a multiballot nomination process would have on the GOP’s conservative identity and its very survival as a viable political party.
“Verily, when the party is in utter disarray and in dire need of rescuing, much like my fair land was some nine years erst, know this: I, along with my trusted squire Timmy the Lessor, do solemnly vow to do for the Party of Lincoln what I did for my dear Louisiana,” Jindal wrote, referencing his longtime political consultant Timmy Teepell.
Concerned about possibly reviving accusations of trying to “whitewash” his Indian heritage — as spurred last year by a portrait in his office depicting him with a rather light skin tone — Jindal attempted to distance himself from the label “white knight,” insisting instead to be called the GOP’s “off-white knight.”
“Timmy the Lessor has wisely counseled me to disavow that blanched sobriquet,” Jindal stated. “He is quite the sagacious fellow, an exceedingly home-learned man.”
Republished from The Red Shtick.