Leave Civil Rights Hero and Icon John Lewis Alone, You Tangerine Twatwaffle

I’m just going to say it: I fucking hate Donald Trump.

I’ve gone from being mildly entertained at him riling up white supremacists so that we could confirm, once and for all, they’ve been in bed with the Republican Party for years…to just outright fucking despising the asshole. It would be one thing if he was just an average billionaire asshole tweeting his stupid attacks on people, but he’s not now. He’s the goddamned president-elect and he is the sorest winner this country has ever seen.

Who would’ve thought a Trust Fund Conman and Weekend Racist would be such a selfish, delusional, tangerine twatwaffle?

Oh I did. I thought that. That’s why I didn’t vote for the bastard. And now he’s going after someone who can only be rightly described as a “true American hero.”

Congressman John Lewis (D-GA) is a hero of the civil rights era. A lot of people have to wonder what Martin Luther King, Jr. was like or would have thought about issues today. But not Mr. Lewis. You see, Mr. Lewis was on the front lines of the fight for racial equality with Dr. King. Rep. Lewis is a living, breathing testament to the power of persistence and the First Amendment. He and his fellow civil rights activists marched, got arrested, and generally did whatever they had to do — both legal and illegal at the time — to push the envelope of the American Dream out to the edges, so that it might one day include more people of color.

Mr. Lewis recently told NBC’s Chuck Todd that he does not consider Trump’s presidency legitimate. Here’s a video clip of what he said in his own words, below, courtesy of NBC News.

As you can imagine, Trump has shown all the grace and dignity the office of the presidency demands in the wake of Lewis’ interview. Trump has realized that he won, and that ultimately he holds the most power any one man can hold in our lifetimes. He should be very judicious and prudent in what he says and how he says it. He’s shown statesman-like restraint in the face of a bold statement against him.

LOL! Just kidding. He did some more blow and blasted these tweets out as America was waking up this morning:

Really, Donny? You’re going to call the career choices of a civil rights icon into question? Mr. Lewis has done more to advance the cause of liberty in his lifetime than Trump has done to advance the cause of the Russian rubber sheet industry. Trump is a selfish, self-serving, rich and out of touch asshole. John Lewis literally picked up himself up off the bottom floor that society spat him out on — that’s where African Americans’ default position was when he was born — and made himself an icon to millions.

John Lewis, perhaps more than most, truly embodies the American Dream. Every day he gets up and goes to work he’s doing more to help his district that Trump has done to help anyone not related to him or not currently stroking his ego or tiny dick. The two not only are not in the same league, they’re not in the same species. Lewis is a human, Trump is a diarrhea gland.

Trump is not a salt of the Earth American. He doesn’t have a success story like John Lewis has, and maybe that’s what also irks Trump. Maybe that orange orifice of malodorous discontent is just jealous, deep down at the bottom of his blackened, platinum plated heart, that no matter what he does or says, he’ll never command the respect that Mr. Lewis does.

While Trump was growing up a rich, entitled, silver spoon clutching white boy, Lewis was growing up in the Jim Crow south. Lewis saw first hand the kinds of people who voted for Trump in certain areas. Racist, bitter Americans who don’t think they should have to share the American Dream. Am I here to tell you every Trump supporter is racist? Of course not. But pretending that racists haven’t helped Trump — and every other Republican — win elections for decades doesn’t make that pretense true.

But something tells me that in any other year, Mr. Lewis wouldn’t feel the need to call Trump’s presidency into question. He wouldn’t need to, because this is the first time — ever — that we have multiple sources telling us that at the very least a foreign power played favorites and tried to swing our election. That matters, and of course it casts doubt on the election, of course it necessarily de-legitimizes Trump.

Why wouldn’t it?

Think about it — what if Hillary Clinton had won and we found out between the time she won the election and was sworn in that she’d been possibly compromised by the Russians. Pretend that there was just as much circumstantial evidence and the report from the former MI6 agent was about her, and not Trump. In what solar system would the GOP be out on the streets demanding that people just “get over” and “accept” Hillary’s presidency? In what scenario does it seem obvious to us that Republicans would just roll over and play dead while there was ample evidence to suggest a Democrat about to become president will be Vlad Putin’s bought and paid for bitch boy servant?




The real reason why Trump lashed out at Rep. Lewis is pretty obvious — John Lewis was 100% correct. Of course Trump’s presidency is illegitimate. That’s what Putin wanted. And now we have a full blown constitutional crisis before he’s even sworn in, and if he thinks his bullshit plan to avoid conflicts of interest won’t dog him his entire presidency, he’s more delusional than I thought. But he knows John Lewis has him pegged, and like a cornered bully, he lashed out at a decent, honorable person to make himself feel better.

Sad!

If the hypocrisy doesn’t make you mad, the utter disrespect give to John Lewis should make your blood boil. We are not a monarchy. We are not a goddamned motherfucking reality TV country. We’re a real country where real people will be really hurt by this lecherous cretin and his cabal of selfish, billionaire oligarchs. Fuck him, fuck them, and fuck anyone who disrespects a living a legend that has done and will do more for his fellow Americans than our Fuckface-Elect could hope to do.

Oh boy the next four years are going to take fifteen off my life, aren’t they?


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1446 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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