Timothy Lahren Is the Dumbest, Most Self-Unaware, Vapid, Screeching Harpie Fox News Has

Oh Timmy. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Tammy. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Tambourine.

You really just cannot help yourself, can you? You really just are incapable of not tweeting tremendously stupid and hypocritical shit, can you? It is literally impossible for you to go 24 hours without hatching a brain fart more embarrassing than your last.

Let’s use this tweet as an example, since it’s so fresh. Think of it like me picking up a piece of shit a dog just dropped while I was walking it. I happened to stroll past your Twitter feed and came to this bullshit tweet.

Tomi Lahren on Twitter

Hollywood took a break from sexually harassing each other to attack prayer and guns. Nice. Thanks.

So let’s start here: Fuck Harvey Weinstein. Fuck Kevin Spacey. Cool? Is that cool with you, Travesty, if I condemn them real quick so you understand just because I’m a libtarded snowflake cuck that doesn’t make me down with sexual abuse? Alrighty then. So we’re all on the same page — recent news stories have exposed some really horrific practices in Hollywood. The “casting couch” culture is every bit as real as it once was, and it extends to all sides of the sexual preference spectrum.

Now let’s get to why your tweet is stupid.

Firstly — no one is attacking prayer, you vacant eyed, bottled up bitcoin of stupidity. We’re attacking the idea that prayer alone does fuck-all. We’re attacking the idea of prayer in the place of works. Does that sound familiar? It should, if you read your goddamned Bible anyway, Trichinosis.

“For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.” James 2:26

So, basically, Trampoline, all liberals are doing is pointing out what your own holy book says. The meaning of that passage is simple — money walks and bullshit talks. This was God’s attempt, if you are one who takes the Bible as the literal word of God, that you need to not just pray. You need to not just have faith. You. Need. To. Do. Fucking. Shit.

And we’re not going after guns. We’re going after your team’s completely lazy unwillingness to think about someone other than yourselves. Your sad, delusional pipe dream of a scenario where you fend off the forces of a tyrannical government we duly elected is so strong it makes you a witting accomplice in every single mass shooting because you refuse to entertain the notion of plucking even the lowest hanging of low hanging gun regulation fruit.

Guns aren’t the problem; it’s access to them, and you know it. That’s what we’re attacking. Your side’s desire to put a gun in every fucking moron’s hands.

We’ve established your tweet flies in the face of your own faith’s teachings. Now let’s take just a few moments to show why it’s a hypocritical pile of putrid pabulum. Shall we? We shall.

Okay, ready? Here comes the proof of your galling and bald faced hypocrisy. In 3…2…1…

You, as a rabid, foamy-mouthed Trump supporter, elected a man who sexually harasses people and brags about it. I know your fans and the Trump base doesn’t care what this means, but the rest of us do. By selecting Donald “Moved on Her Like a Bitch and Grabbed Her By Her Pussy” Trump, you have forever and always ceded your highly-touted moral high ground. You guys impeached a president for a blowjob he lied about; and then you go and elect the guy who wants to fuck his daughter, and you want us to keep thinking of you as the country’s ethical standardbearers?

Every single time you, or one of Trump’s ugly, stupid, entitled, spoiled, out of touch rich douchbag offspring try to point to Weinstein or Spacey’s craven behavior and expect to score points, the majority of the country is going to laugh at you. Your guy is the single least popularly elected president of all time. Your guy currently has an approval rating that makes cancer look at him and go, “Damn, at least people don’t hate me as much as you.” 70% of the country thinks this guy is a piece of shit, and you’re out there trying to figure out how much of his bowel movements you’d have to eat in order to gain his favor.

Get fucked, Troubadour Lahren.

 

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About James Schlarmann 1446 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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