Marco Rubio: Leading the GOP Race From Behind

One of the dumbest, most vapid and meaningless critiques that right-wingers have of the Obama administration is that they “lead from behind.” In other words, he’s not the bombastic, dick-waving, machismo asshole that most of their candidates are, so clearly he’s weak and a loser. But do you know who’s really leading from behind — if they’re to be taken at their word?

Marco Rubio.

You can almost literally smell the desperation coming from the Establishment Wing of the Republican Party now. It’s like they’re finally waking up to a hangover from drinking way too much tea over the last eight years or so, and staring the prospect of a Donald J. Trump nomination in the face, they’re rolling out anyone they can to convince the rank and file Republican voters that Marco Rubio really is their savior after all. Clearly they don’t want Trump, and they’d really not like to nominate Cruz, but just as obvious to anyone outside the GOP is the fact that their voters really have started to lose any and all fucks they once gave about who the establishment wants in the first place.

If the Republican Party power structure really thinks an endorsement from Mitt Romney is going to sway voters that otherwise want to vote for Trump or Cruz, they are high as all get out. They still haven’t figured it out, I don’t think. Trump is the living embodiment of all the distrust the GOP establishment built up among their voters for anyone involved in the political machine. Trump is tearing the GOP apart limb from limb, and he’s not stopping.

Rubio hasn’t finished higher than second in a primary or caucus yet, and we’re supposed to believe he’s the party’s leader? Truly he’s the one leading from behind then, right? Because basically what the GOP’s most powerful politicians and donors want us to believe is that the Arizona Cardinals are the ones who actually won the Super Bowl this year, even though they didn’t even finish as one of the two best teams. They’re trying to convince the world, but more importantly their own voters, that the two people who’ve gotten way more votes than Rubio — Cruz and Trump — aren’t the ones they want to vote for. Instead, they want us all to believe the third place jack ball is the one to lead them to victory.

I cannot be the only one who has noticed that hardcore, die-hard Republican conservatives have called Bob Dole, John McCain and Mitt Romney “RINOs” right? That term means “Republicans in Name Only” and what it really means is that none of them were bat shit crazy enough to feel conservative enough to Republican voters. And now the establishment wants us to believe that despite the fact that he hasn’t come out on top in a single primary election yet, that Rubio is really the guy that the whole country, not just Republican voters who don’t like him, will elect over the Democratic candidate?

Horse shit. Unfiltered, unadulterated horse shit.

Rubio could win, of course. Democratic turnout in the primaries isn’t outstripping Republican turnout so far. That means Rubio could squeak a win in if the state is purple enough. So no one on the left side of American politics is likely doing themselves any favors by assuming no Republican will win the White House back. But, for us to swallow the narrative that Rubio is the overwhelming choice of Republican voters we’d have to ignore the reality of the first primary results.

I just don’t see how Marco Rubio can win an election when most of his own party is looking somewhere else. Again, that’s not to say the Democrats couldn’t bumblefuck their way to a loss, not by a long shot. They are in peril of alienating each other to the point that either Hillary or Bernie supporters stay home. But regardless of the GOP’s ultimate chances in November, it’s just beyond laughable to me that we’re being lead to believe that Rubio is who his own people want to nominate; it’s just not true by any measure of reality.

Then again, when you’re the party of Supply Side/Trickle Down economics, is reality ever really your thing to begin with?

 

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About James Schlarmann 1354 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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