Market Watchdogg: March 17th, 2016–The Fed, Hot Stock Pick & Coal


The stock market will end this week’s effort swinging high as the major indices rallied in response to the Federal Open Market Committee’s policy statement for March. Contributing factors to this week’s bullish action included a sharp uptick in oil prices and key sector leadership from the tech sect (+1.1%). The Nasdaq Composite (+0.8%) ended its week ahead of both the loser S&P 500 (+0.6%) and the stupid Dow Jones Industrial Average (+0.4%). Boom!! You are now educated. If you are interested in trading stocks then check out forex trading in south africa.

The Fed says “Why break it if it ain’t fixed”- No Interest Rate hike.

Shocking news. The Fed chose not to raise interest rates but you don’t have to be a soothsayer to sooth out the fact that they won’t ever increase the rates. Ever. In fact the Watchdogg would not be surprised to see negative interest rates by the end of the year. Not sure how that works but it’d be nice. You borrow money and they give you even more money! World hunger solved.

Now let’s take a moment to look at this chart:


Check out this lovely squiggly line chart that proves that the line ain’t that squiggly no more. It’s just sort of flat. See a trend? This data indicates that the blue line likes it better close to the dates on the x-axis. My guess is that the x-axis is warmer than the y-axis and so the blue line is moving away from the y-axis while trying to snuggle with the x-axis. That blue line looks rather content hovering down there close to 0%. Flat lined. There is no money in money anymore. You banks want to make some real money? Get into internet porn. That shit pays the bills!!!

The Donald Trump Stock Pick of the Week- Dumascus Gear (NYSE: DUMAS)

Trump may not know all the good words or possess the ability to point this nation in the right direction [not with those Cabbage Patch Kid hands] but the dude knows business. He was overheard recently at the standup urinal in a Hooter’s in Scottsdale, AZ. giving stock advise to Ted Nugent. An unknown source states that Donald told the Nuge that Dumascus Gear is a sure bet. The Nuge reportedly thanked Donald and sauntered off to go kill a feral family of Meer cats that had been recently discovered living at the Phoenix Zoo.

Closing the week at $32.41 a share, DUMAS saw a 42% increase in trade volume this week. And the future looks even brighter.
Thanks to recent activities on the campaign trail, Dumascus is looking to realize a boon in sales during the approaching months.  Makers of the industry leading Imperial™ Riot Control Kit [pictured here], Dumascus is the one-stop shop for your personal riot gear. Regardless if Trump makes a speech, gets the nomination/doesn’t get the nomination or actually becomes President, we will all need advanced tactical protection. If this has to be the way, you might as well make some green investing in the company that made the rubber bullets bouncing off your chest.

Better Education Equals Better Earning Potential?

A report was released this week entitled “The Big Payoff: Educational Attainment and Synthetic Estimates of Work-Life Earnings”. The potentially inspiring report revealed that over an adult’s working lifespan a high school graduate can expect to average about $1.2 million dollars.

Those with a Bachelor’s degree can expect to see that average increase to $2.1 million dollars. Over the their entire life. A Master’s will get you $2.5 mil while a doctoral degree wins you $3.4 million during your working life. A professional degree will cost you at least $200,000 and 5 years  but you can expect to generate a whopping $4.4  million before you die.

Meanwhile, according to Forbes magazine, Kim Kardashian made $52.5 mil in 2015. Try not to shoot yourself in the face with a B.B. gun on the way to the mailbox with this month’s student loan payment.

Hillary Clinton declares “Coal is dead.” Republicans propose Alternative Energy Plan

HRC was pulling no punches last Sunday when she bluntly stated “We’re going to put a lot of coal miners and coal companies out of business. I’m the only candidate which has a policy about how to bring economic opportunity, using clean renewable energy as the key, into coal country.”

17th congressional district representative of Kentucky’s Lackawanna County (R) Jim Dipshins stated “There is no need for any of that newfangled, Demo backed clean energy. I got a plan. Water. What’s cleaner than water?” Dipshins proposes using boiling H2O to create energy. This boiling water would generate steam that is then pumped into a cylinder connected to a piston. The piston moves and energy is created. When asked what he intended to burn to boil this water, Dipshins replied, “Coal. Or trees. Those are natural too. Lot more natural than solar energy I would imagine.”

Many Republicans, including Sen. Rand Paul and Sen. Mitch McConnell, support Dipshins plan considering it a brave new idea for the future of cleaner energy. Clinton’s camp refused to even think about responding.



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