Michelle Wolf Is A Folk Hero

If Michelle Wolf’s set were my set at the White House Correspondents Dinner, I would be on a high for the rest of my life. She’s now a folk hero. Michelle stood up to power and told a ringing, unassailable truth to it, and that’s what scared so many people into acting so terribly offended by her set.

Wolf looked around at all the self-serving hubris, and dropped white hot comedic bombs that burned a lot of bullshit to the ground. The sanctimony, hand wringing, pearl clutching, dog and pony concern trolling that people in the press and on all sides of the political spectrum are having this morning to her shellacking of everyone in the room makes me want to crawl inside an elephant’s butt hole and die.

I knew after I had finished watching her set live that ignorant and/or unfunny people would be up in arms about it. You can tell she gave a perfect performance because of just how many people Michelle pissed off.

What happens when non-comedians start thinking too hard about comedy is they a) ruin it and b) prove how spectacularly little about comedy they understand. I have lost count of how many people accused Michelle Wolf bashing Sarah Huckabee’s looks (she didn’t), and I’ve grown just beside myself with the number of people with the hot take of, “Is abortion really something to joke about?”

Not only should Michelle have joked about abortion however she wanted to because that’s how the First Fucking Amendment works, her joke wasn’t about abortion. It was about Mike Pence’s ridiculous, Draconian, pre-historic views of it and women’s health in general. I love that people are more offended by her abortion joke than the idea of the government forcing a woman to have a child against her will, even in the case of rape or incest.

Therein lies the problem with non-comedians thinking their offended feelings are valid criticism of the merits of someone’s comedic material. Perhaps the only problem with Michelle’s set was that she didn’t dumb it down for the dummies in the room. Because the thing about vulgarity is that it makes pretentious people follow the shiny object of their offended sensibilities, while missing the actual satirical point completely.

People aren’t getting the jokes, but they sure as hell aren’t shy about criticizing them. Now that we have established they’re idiots, let’s dig in just a bit on some of the most bafflingly incorrect criticism Michelle has gotten so far, shall we?

Michelle Wasn’t Mocking Sanders’ Looks, Dummies

We need to talk about just how many OMGs some media members are doing over Michelle’s quip about Sarah Sanders’ makeup and how she gets the ingredients for it.

You have Chris Cillizza of CNN with this chestnut:

There are LOTS of way to go after Sanders. I personally think that she is overly antagonistic to the reporters who cover the White House and misleads on the regular. But to make fun of Sanders’ makeup? (“I think she’s very resourceful, like she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies,” said Wolf.) Like, really? (source)

Or there’s The New York Times’ Maggie Haberman’s tweet that manages to breathlessly and ham-fistedly paint Sarah Sanders as a victim.

Maggie Haberman on Twitter

That @PressSec sat and absorbed intense criticism of her physical appearance, her job performance, and so forth, instead of walking out, on national television, was impressive.

No, Maggie, the impressive part was Wolf laying waste to Sarah feet from her, and unflinchingly calling out Sarah’s non-stop lying.

What Haberman, Cillizza, and every single idiot playing the, “Lay off Sarah’s looks card” is missing is that Michelle’s joke had NOTHING TO DO WITH SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS’ LOOKS. She used Sanders’ trademark smokey eye makeup look as a vehicle to absolutely roast her mendacity. Wolf was calling out Sarah’s lies, not making fun of her looks.

The Press Is Vital, But Not Above Reproach

A lot of the journalists criticizing Michelle are doing so because of the moment in her set when she torched the press for having no spines. When Wolf told them flat out that they “created this monster” and are now profiting off them, she told perhaps the most stinging truth of the night outside of when she nailed Trump’s balls to the wall for lying about how wealthy he is.

We’ve all become reflexively defensive of the press because Trump bashes them like a schoolyard tyrant. But they do in fact have a habit of sucking their own dicks too much, and they certainly are culpable for a lot of Trump has given us because they legitimized him from the beginning. The press deserves criticism and mocking as much as any other institution in this country, and if they don’t want a comedian telling the truth about them, they shouldn’t invite any more comedians.

If Hypocrisy Were Fatal, Every Pearl Clutching Trump Acolyte Would Be Dead This Morning

The same people who tell us we shouldn’t care enough about trans kids to let them decide where the poop are now offended by Michelle’s words? Um, excuse me the fuck?

Donald Trump is only president because of birtherism. Seriously.

The only reason he is president is that he sowed the seeds of his racism in the minds of people who would rather have believed a black man is a secret Kenyan Commie than that millions of people wanted to go in a more progressive direction. Birtherism is an insult to every American who isn’t white. Most of us were offended to our core about that, so you’ll excuse me if I have no sympathy for Trump getting flayed by Michelle.

Was he bleeding from his wherever when she was done?

If people were offended by Michelle referencing “pussy” so much, maybe half the people in that room, and some on the dais, shouldn’t have condoned his use of the word. Maybe they shouldn’t be working for a guy who brags about his sexual assault and calls it “locker room talk.”

But if you work or worked for Trump, you don’t get to tweet pearl clutching, hand-wringing bullshit like this:

Sean Spicer on Twitter

Tonight’s #WHCD was a disgrace

Reince Priebus on Twitter

An R/X rated spectacle that started poorly and ended up in the bottom of the canyon. Another victory for @realDonaldTrump for not attending and proving his point once again. The room was uncomfortable. Trump lovers and even a large number of Trump haters were pretty miserable.

Sean Spicer stood in front of the American people and lied about everything every day for months. His moral compass is non-existent. He has no right to judge anyone. And Reince didn’t seem too offended by Michelle’s set when she said her porn name was his real name. He gave her a thumbs up. Trump is the bully of all bullies.

Trump is an obnoxious, insulting asshole. People on his team should just pipe down and take their medicine, because it ain’t gonna taste any better in November, either.

Michelle Wolf Gave An Appropriately Trumpian Performance

Here’s something that almost no one is getting right — Michelle Wolf gave a Trump-like performance. She took the vitriol, the anger, the bullying, and the toxic meanness he projects and she turned it right back around on him and his enablers. If she had been roasting a more demure, presidential man, she wouldn’t have needed to drop the bombs she did. But we are living in Trumpian times which means you need a Trumpian delivery to shake people up, and Michelle Wolf is now a goddamned folk hero for it.

A comedian told unvarnished, edgy, profane truths. She torpedoed Conway for the liar (“Con”) she is, and the way she reached inside Huckabee’s soul and pulled out her blackened, lying heart was masterful, all while standing a foot or two away from Sarah. Wolf took the press to task for not pushing back on Huckabee’s lies real-time, and something tells me that’s when she lost some of the room, like she should give two purple shits about that anyway, because her target audience were the every day Americans watching the shit show.

Oh, and through it all, Michelle still managed to close her set by reminding everyone in their tuxedos and thousand dollar gowns that Flint, Michigan still has poisoned water, which is more good than half that room has or ever will do in their humorless lives.

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About James Schlarmann 1507 Articles
James is the founding contributor and editor-in-chief of The Political Garbage Chute, a political satire and commentary site, which can be found on Facebook as well. You definitely should not give that much a shit about his opinions.
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