Mitt Romney is 47% Sure Donald Trump is a ‘Phony’ and a ‘Fraud’

I’ve come to really enjoy when a politician says something so unbelievably hypocritical and self-unaware that it defies the laws of physics and the known universe, and Mitt Romney is one of the best in the business at doing just that. The venture capitalist and 2012 recipient of the Barack H. Obama Electoral Punching Bag Award is trying to help his party’s donor class put Senator Marco Rubio in Donald J. Trump’s spot as the current front-runner by calling out the billionaire reality-TV star for being, as Romney put it, “phony” and a “fraud.”

Allow me just a few moments to collect myself, as laughing so hard at Romney calling someone phony caused my brain to explode, leak out of my right ear, and congeal in a pool next to my chair.

Seriously, Mr. 47% is going to lecture people on being phony? Don’t get me wrong — fuck Donald Trump. He’s a horrible human being for either being genuinely racist and Islamaphobic or just playing a racist homophobe on TV to get more votes. But the guy who got caught on tape telling a bunch of super-wealthy people that he wasn’t really running to represent poor people who didn’t like him doesn’t get to call anyone phony, not when he had been crisscrossing the country trying to convince people he was a Mormon saint who cared about every American.

Romney is the epitome of phony.

He spent about 18 months saying horrid, backwards things about immigrants, even suggesting we should have them mass self-deport. Then in the General Election he put on crazy orange face paint and tried to convince Telemundo audiences he was muy down with them. Nothing screams “phony” or “fraud” to me like literally going in brownface onto a Latino or Hispanic television network to pander to people who just a few weeks ago you were demonizing to scared white conservatives.

But if you’re looking for the ultimate in tasty political hypocrisy out of Mitt, all you have to do is point your Google machine back four years and enter into it, “Donald Trump endorses Mitt Romney.” Now, it’s one thing for a B-grade celebrity moron to endorse a presidential candidate, and it’s another for a candidate to embrace someone’ s endorsement. It’s not like Romney dropped what he was doing and jetted out to Las Vegas to accept Trump’s endorsement, right? Right?

“It’s my honor — real honor — and privilege to endorse Mitt Romney,” is what Trump told everyone in Vegas that day in 2012. But hey, it’s not like Mitt gave this guy he now thinks is a “fraud” or a “phony” effusive praise right? Well, hold onto your mittens, Mittens.

“Being in Donald Trump’s magnificent hotel and having his endorsement is a delight. I’m so honored and pleased to have his endorsement and of course I’m looking for the endorsement of the People of Nevada.” (source)


The thing is — Mitt Romney’s criticisms of Trump aren’t wrong per se, they’re just massively hypocritical. As phony as Trump is, Romney is just as phony, and he knows it. He doesn’t genuinely care about poor people, not really. He said as much in that infamous Mother Jones video. He was only after the 53% of Americans he thought would like him. Romney is a sham and a fraud for trying to pass himself off as a common man when he and his wife enter damn dancing horses in the Olympic games.

Let’s not kid ourselves — Donald Trump is an abortion of a human being who would be an abortion of a president…just like Mitt Romney would have been. In fact, Trump’s endorsement of Romney in 2012 is so very telling because it was a billionaire helping out a multimillionaire buddy. Romney would have been a tool for Trump in the White House, and you know goddamned-well Trump would have been at one of Romney’s inaugural balls. So who the hell does Mitt think he’s kidding?

It’s just all so very typical of Romney and Trump. Neither one is connected to reality. Trump thinks people other than the dumbest of the dumb like him, and Romney thinks people other than the dumbest of the dumb trust or care about his opinion on anything. They’re meant for each other, Trump and Romney, and 2012 is all the proof you need of it. Of course Romney will ignore that; it’s what he does, but thank the Universe we have the Internet and YouTube, because Mittens can run, but he can’t hide from the truth, and you would have thought he learned that lesson four years ago.

But then again, obviously not.



About James Schlarmann 1480 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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