Serious Question: Just How Much Nazi Dick Does Donald Trump Suck?

Is it a quart?

Is it a metric tonne?

What exactly is the standard unit of measurement for Nazi dick? Because I need to know what we use to measure the volume of disgusting, racist, hate-filled, genocidal phallus our “president” likes to have slid into his mouth and down his massive, leather bag-like throat. I can only presume it’s a whole lot of Nazi dick he likes to suck. Because after waiting three days to denounce white supremacy in the wake of the terror attack in Charlottesville, and after having to make a second statement on it from a TelePrompTer so he didn’t get tripped up and equivocate between white supremacist Nazis and the people protesting them…


RELATED: Don’t Want to Lose Your Job For Being a Racist Shit Bag? Put Your Fucking Hood Back On.

…he goes and shows his cards to the whole world in the crazy, fucked-up press conference.

Donald doesn’t know the difference between Washington, Jefferson, and Stonewall Jackson? And he wants us to believe that since they all held slaves that liberals would view them all in the same exact light? Good fucking grief Don, Nazi cum must contain some powerful drugs, if you’re really going to try to float that air biscuit past us and pretend you didn’t fart. Your approval rating is in the low thirties and you think you can trot out some bullshit you’d expect to hear from a first year polisci student who grew up in a rural, red state, never exposed to ideas outside the Limbaugh Institute of Dumbfuckery?

If there were violent liberals in Charlottesville, by all means find them, arrest them, and prosecute them. Personally, if I’m at a rally with Nazis and KKK members, I’m going to be really glad when people who oppose them show up. Whether or not AntiFa or any other anti-Nazi group was armed isn’t the point when only the Nazis are killing people. But fine, point me out some left wingers who lost their shit and beat on conservatives and I’ll condemn them for you.

False equivalencies, however, don’t excuse murder. And only one side committed murder that day. You know what’s funny to me? Nazis have a right to free speech. So do anti-Nazis. But if a group is going to show up armed and push their beliefs, wouldn’t it make sense that people would protect themselves? Shouldn’t Republicans be happy and pleased that AntiFa exercise their Second Amendment rights? I’m not a huge “gun guy” or anything, but in a country where we have to “respect” a Nazi’s free speech, it’s nice to also have armed protection for when they get violent like the racist little fuckbags they are.




No violence is “good.” All violence is “bad.” I get that, and I don’t argue with it. But here’s the thing — let’s talk about justification.

A Nazi just walking down the road, minding his own business, reading his copy of “The National Review,” isn’t posing a threat. But you get hundreds, if not thousands of Nazis together and hand them weapons? Well guess what? That’s a threat. And that threat doesn’t have to be met with equal force, but it’s in everyone’s best interest to not let the Nazis think they have a monopoly on force or violence, either, is it? Again, if Republicans can defend a domestic abuser’s right to a gun, why can’t they defend a member of Antifa’s rights to the same firearm?

The ONLY reason, and I do mean the only reason, to equivocate about how “both sides” were violent in Charlottesville would be to lessen the criticism of the Nazis that were there. Otherwise, what is the point? If leftists were violent, and not in self defense, then fuck them too. But what possible good comes of decrying the violence of “both sides” when one side clearly showed up looking for violence and mayhem and WOUND UP MOTHERFUCKING RUNNING  OVER SOMEONE WITH HIS FUCKING CAR?! Again, the only reason to bring up others is to deflect from the white nationalists, who just so happen to be a counted among President Pee Pee Mouth’s base.


RELATED: When Will Republicans Realize It’s Okay to Call Out Nazis, Even If They’re Republicans?

When it comes to being president, there isn’t any softer lobbed pitch than, “Hey, do Nazis suck?” Because the answer should always, and will always, be, “Fuck yes.” Any version of an answer that doesn’t somehow match up with “Fuck yes” is a failure. The moment you say, “Nazis suck, but,” you lose. There are no buts when it comes to Nazis and sucking. They suck. They suck out loud. They suck even more than a 241 year old antidemocratic electoral machination that allows the person with fewer actual votes to win and become the most powerful man in the free world.

So again, I ask, just how much Nazi dick does Trump suck? The answer: Enough.

Enough to fail at the simplest test a president will ever face. Enough to keep his base happy and quiet even after he defends a substantial number of them as Nazis. Enough to make him, easily, the most disgusting, racist, horrible human being to ever set foot in the White House, much less live there, which means he has one fan at least…Dick Cheney.

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About James Schlarmann 1406 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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