I sit here almost immobilized. Being a straight, white woman, I know I cannot begin to imagine the fear, the terror, the rage and sadness, and anger, and frustration, and love, and hate, and passion, and helplessness you must be feeling right now. I am in awe of your continued bravery, as I sit here in the safety of my privileged world, watching my feeds and shaking my head at the senseless hatred aimed at you within mere hours of this horrid act of terror against your community.
All I can do is offer my support. I don’t always know what words to say. Sometimes I’m afraid to say something, for fear it will be wrong. But you’ve never gotten on to me; you’ve always been so much more tolerant of me than the world has been of you.
I have only recently become a true ally of yours, and for that I apologize. Until my state started discussing the horrid Hate Bill, I managed to remain cocooned with just a slight and peripheral acknowledgement of your plight. Shame on me. I will spend the rest of life doing everything I can to try and make that up to you. Once I realized religion was being turned into a legislated weapon, I dove in and tried to educate myself as quickly as possible. I made errors, blunders, but you forgave me. You embraced me. You gently corrected me. You laughed at me, but you did it with love. (At least you said you did!)
When I logged on this morning, I was still hesitant. What would I say? What if I said the wrong thing and made it worse? Then I realized that was selfish. This was not about me at all; this was about you. I needed to listen, not to speak. So I sat and I read, and I heard what you said. You had so many emotions, and all I could offer you was my love. And I did. I sent my love to as many of you as I could, and I repeated that message as often as I could. I vowed to myself today that would be my contribution.
I’m going to keep screwing up, y’all; it’s what I do. I’m kind of bumbling through this process. My heart is genuine, though, and you constantly amaze me with your ability to see that. With everything you have suffered, with all this world has done to keep you down, you have consistently gotten back up and kicked ass and put up with people like me while you did it.
I’m still listening, and I’m still loving. I’m still your ally. I will always, always be here for you. I promise not to hesitate again. Next time, when I’m not sure, I will remember the lesson from today. When I am not quite sure what to say…I will simply remind you how much I love you and that I am always and forever right here.