Choosing Sides Between Paul Ryan and Trump: Like Picking A Diarrhea or Regular Turd SandWich

I’ve been writing/pontificating/ranting/spittle throwing over politics for about 5 years now. In that time, I can’t tell you how much I’ve written about the slow implosion of the Republican Party that we have all been witness to.

I’m not sure if it started in ’64 when Goldwater called out the creeping influence of the hardline evangelicals, or if it was when Nixon had to resign. Maybe it was the election of Ronald Reagan that seemed to permanently tie the Religious Right to the GOP. Perhaps it was George W. Bush’s abortion of an eight-year term. Or maybe it was the election of a black Democrat right after him. But somehow, somewhere the Republicans started getting more and more suspicious of average Americans and cloistered themselves more and more, sequestering themselves from the rest of us.

Whatever the reason for its genesis, I think the Republican Party has just turned to Revelations, Chapter 1, Verse 1.

This week, Donald Trump announced he would not be endorsing Paul Ryan’s re-election bid. The Ann Coulters and Laura Ingraham’s of the world rejoiced. Paul Ryan’s a RINO, remember. Even though his budget was the cream in their fiscal sociopath jeans up to a couple years ago, he was permanently tainted by the Romney debacle of 2012, and hardliners like Laura and Ann don’t think he’s hardcore anti-helping people enough for their tastes.

But as excited as I am to watch the Ayn Rand worshiper get eaten alive by his own, it’s not like I can delight in who’s behind it. Donald Trump is a living, breathing Republican stereotype. Conspiracy theorists think he’s playing the Hell for Hillary. I just think he’s a relic, he knows he’s a relic, and he’s “rich” enough to not give a fuck about the consequences. The toxic level of shit he spews doesn’t even let him get to anti-hero status in this movie we’re watching now. We have two damn villains — Trump and the Republican establishment.




Choosing sides between Ryan and Trump is like when I’m watching the Yankees play the Giants. I root for a rain out. Or a way for both teams to lose. Picking between Trump and Ryan is like being handed a plate with two sandwiches — one with diarrhea between the buns, and one with just plain ol’ poo in there — and trying to figure out which one you want to swallow.

A national political scene without Paul Ryan in it would be sweet, so if Trump rallies his mouth-breather militia in Wisconsin and makes that happen, yay! But also, a Planet Earth without Donald Trump potentially running the free world’s most powerful government is the preferred outcome too. Which I guess means the best outcome we could hope for would be the GOP wiping itself off the map, or at least taking out key players, and some new party rising from its ashes.

It’s not just Ryan that Trump is feuding with either. The Bush Family loathes him, which may or may not matter to anyone outside the Bush family. But then there’s Reince Priebus, who reportedly lit into Trump on a phone call today. Word leaking out of the Trump camp is that they’re in total disarray. Not being a conspiracy theorist, I don’t think Trump’s a Clinton operative, but he sure is making her cakewalk into the White House super-easy isn’t he?

And you know what? Even as a guy who was briefly “Bernie Or Bust” and still doesn’t trust Hillary to carry out a truly progressive agenda, I kinda feel like if the bargain put before me is that we get to break the grip Republicans have had on our country for the last thirty or so years but we have to elect someone who is super-qualified if not really corrupted by money in politics…I guess that’s a deal I’d take. For now.

Ryan or Trump…diarrhea or regular turd. I don’t know that it matters which side you take. Both have been guilty of some really petty demagoguery of the poor. Both belong to a party that is quickly becoming the new white nationalist party. So I think it’s time to do as my pal Manny said he was doing in a recent column, and pop some popcorn. Shit’s getting good.

Commence au clusterfuck!


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

 

 

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About James Schlarmann 1463 Articles

Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.

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