Speaker Paul Ryan has had it up to here with the obnoxious liberals in Congress misbehaving in his house. Apparently his disciplinary measures are just not working out at all whatsoever.
He has tried everything he knows, from putting the little imps in time-out to raising his voice, even grumbling and putting his hands on his hips and stomping his feet. He even threatened to have them put in kiddie jail until someone pointed out that would probably actually only help their cause and make all the other kids feel sorry for them including the liberal media and all the extra-leftwing voters.
So he snuck away and spent all weekend huddled up with his buddies, the so-called parenting experts from the Family Research Council and the Evangelical Association of Jesus, getting some professional advice. His first Super Parental Act was to lay down the law from his home state of Wisconsin, because all awesome Godly parents know it is imperative to make threats from a distance and be extra passive-aggressive when doing it. Paul Ryan made it super clear he will not tolerate any more of this nonsense. No, he will not take any more of it at all, because he is just done.
Speaker Papa Paul has now officially replaced his Speaker Gavel with a Speaker Wooden Spoon, so now he is going to start counting to ten and once he gets to ten he is, and he swears it on the Bible of Abraham Lincoln, going to whoop some Congressional liberal ass, under his new “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Libtard” Biblical Congressional Discipline Plan, which he has had drawn up and says will be voted on in what must be the first and only thing he and his co-parents have managed to accomplish in basically this entire legislative session.
Under Papa’s Plan #3989, each member of the out-of-control Democratic Party is going to have a sticker chart on the wall of the House just behind his desk, so they will be seen on camera, because everyone knows kiddos respond extra well to negative peer pressure and humiliation. Every time one of those SJW’s is good, Papa Paul will award a blue star. But if they are bad, especially if they get on that floor and sit down and refuse to get back up when he says they should, he will count to ten. If they do not get up by the time he gets to ten, and he really and truly means it this time, he will pull out that wooden spoon.
Paul Ryan has been assured by Dr. James Dobson and Franklin Graham that this is the best way to handle difficult children, and this is not at all going to make him just look like a gigantic, overgrown, whiny ass fucknozzle who is simply incapable of doing his job without blaming everyone around him by saying it is all their fault. He is training them to be good and Godly and breaking their strong will in the way Jesus said for their own good, certainly not his.
Poor Speaker Paul Ryan, those mean liberal having a sit-in that prevents your party from doing their important job of filibustering legislation and obstructing judicial appointments. Parenting is such a bitch.