Phil Robertson cares about young girls…when he’s marrying them off

I love it when editors create headlines like the one below, don’t you?

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/duck-dynasty-patriarch-phil-robertson-892134

He didn’t “wade into” shit. He opened is big, dumb, bearded, bigoted mouth and said dumb shit, as he’s wont to do. Basically, let me summarize for the Douche Dynasty asshole. His opinion is this: “Why come boys can’t go where boys go and women-folk go where women folk go? Because I’m an anti-intellectual prick so I completely ignore modernity and science when it allows me to hold tight to my bigoted views of the world, and also why come you call me a bigot when I’m acting like a bigot?”

Okay, so that was less a summary and more a paraphrasing. But the point is, Robertson is one of many evangelical Christians who just simply do not “get it.” They can’t possibly understand that gender and sex really, truly, aren’t the same thing. That’s because they choose instead to cling to the shallow, religiously conservative viewpoint they have of the world, instead of opening their big, dumb eyes to reality.

But his willful ignorance aside, what really galls me is that Robertson is a massive, massive fucking hypocrite. Ostensibly, his reason for believing the government should play genital inspector in public restrooms comes down to him believing his safeguarding young women from sexual predators. Because you know, to people like Philly over there child molesters in their homes thinking, “Gee, I’d really like to rape a little girl, but I can’t because I’m not allowed in their bathrooms! Oh wait, now I can just say I’m a girl and rape, rape, rape away!” It’s ludicrous in its offensiveness and sheer, brilliant ignorance because it has been well-documented all over the place that unless you’re in there with a Republican congressman, you’re pretty safe in any bathroom you go into, regardless of who else is pissing and shitting.

Still, let’s zero-in on the naked hypocrisy of Robertson’s hand-wringing concern trolling for young women in bathrooms, shall we? Apparently, Robertson’s concern for young girls ends at marrying them off. Confused? Read this passage from an MSNBC article from December 2013.

Newly-surfaced footage of the reality television star, who was recently reinstated by A&E after a brief suspension for his anti-gay rhetoric, shows Robertson urging men to wed underage girls.

In the 2009 video, which appeared on YouTube – apparently from a Sportsmen’s Ministry event in Georgia – the 67-year-old offers what he bills “river rat counseling.” He argues that marrying a girl who is not a teenager will only lead to trouble.

“Look, you wait ‘til they get to be 20 years old, the only picking that’s going to take place is your pocket,” he says. “You got to marry these girls when they are about 15 or 16.” Robertson later adds: “You need to check with mom and dad about that, of course.” (source)

Yes, you read that right. At one point in his life, Phil Robertson — Keeper of All Things Holy and Moral — suggested that we marry off 15 and 16 year old girls. So, he’s totally concerned with young girls getting raped by people posing as transgender in bathrooms, but if the rape is merely statutory in nature, and under the auspices of “marriage” that’s just God’s will, right Philly? What an utter load of bullshit.


If a more pluperfect example of the rife hypocrisy in the religious right exists then I’d love to see it. The first time the video surfaced, it was used to show Robertson’s bigotry toward marriage equality. Since religious conservatives have moved that fight into the bathrooms, it would only follow that I do my due diligence and bring it up again. The video should be mentioned every time this bearded, bloviating bigot opens his mouth up about anyone’s morality.

Memo to Phil: Dude, you advocate for taking adolescent, still pubescent young women and essentially forcing them into the life of a milk cow, shitting out babies and making you barefooted pies in the kitchen, and you have the audacity to call anyone else perverted or a predator? Here’s a free clue, asshole, at the very least you advocate predatory behavior toward the very same young girls you’re clutching your bible blocking bathroom doors over. This is what makes you an unwitting clown, a douche horn worthy of every bit of scorn and derision you elicit from the masses.

One day we’ll stop caring what reality-TV stars think. Or we’ll elect one as our president, I guess. Talk about a “win-win” huh?

Comments

comments

About James Schlarmann 1464 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
  • Tom Kidd

    Phil would know, since he was 20 and married 17-year old Marsha Carroway in 1966. (Some sites argue she was born in 1947, but those sites have compromise).

Twitter Auto Publish Powered By : XYZScripts.com