‘Please Clap’ = PLEASE GO HOME

Oh, Jeb!, just go home dude.

By now, I’m sure you all have heard the story of what happened in New Hampshire at a Jeb Bush event this week, but just in case you haven’t, here’s the nuts and the bolts of it, via The Huffington Post:

“I will be a commander in chief that will have the back of the military, I won’t trash talk, I won’t be a divider-in-chief or an agitator-in-chief. I won’t be out there blowharding talking a big game without backing it up,” Bush said at a town hall in New Hampshire on Tuesday. “I think the next president needs to be a lot quieter but send a signal that we’re prepared to act in the national security interests of this country to get back in the business of creating a more peaceful world.”

When Bush’s comments were met with silence, he asked the audience to “please clap,” which they did. (source)

While I am sure that Jeb! appreciated the fact that he got his audience to clap for him, did he really go to bed last night happy with himself? I mean, I hate to break it to him, but his brother kinda ruined it for him, he really did. Maybe Daddy Bush wasn’t the greatest president ever, but he didn’t have an Iraq War and a totally inept response to a fiscal meltdown on his record. Then there’s Katrina. Oh, Dear God, Katrina alone pretty much makes me think the Bush family shouldn’t just be kept from the Oval Office, they probably shouldn’t be hired to work in the guard shack, or to pick up trash alongside the fences.

Surely Jeb! must see the dearth of excitement at his rallies, compared to the fervor put on display at a Donald Trump or Ted Cruz rally and realize that he’s fucked, right? I mean, I’m not even saying that Trump and Cruz’s rally crowds mean they’d be good commanders in chief, I’m just saying that clearly within his own party Jeb! is persona-no-one-gives-a-fuck-about-a. And that’s not good, because he’s got as much name recognition as one could hope for, which in a primary race should be worth something. The problem is that his big brother took his name and flushed it down the toilet, letting Dick Cheney shit on it as he did so. So name recognition for Jeb! is actually a liability, not an asset.

And if he can’t even get enough excitement going at one of his own rallies, packed with people who are ostensibly there to show him support to give him at least polite applause at an obvious applause break, how is he going to fare in the wider, General Election?

He’ll do terribly, that’s how he’ll do. Oh, he’ll pull in the Republican base, that’s a given. But who in their right mind in a swing state is going to vote for the guy whose family perhaps might mean well, but has never left the White House with the same respect and prestige as they entered it? Honestly, what can the Bush family point to as being their legacy in the Oval Office? I will give you that Dubya’s AIDS work has been nothing short of commendable, but you can’t exactly rest an entire family’s reputation on it, not when the war mongering and mendacity seems to outstrip it by a thousand-fold.

It’s just embarrassing for Jeb! now. He perhaps was counting on a warmer reception. Maybe he thought people would see him as so wholly separated from his brother that he could just go, “Me? Iraq? Nah, brah, that was bro.” But instead, he’s being held accountable on some level for the past failures of his family. Is that completely fair? Of course not. But since they all seem to hold and share the same values, is it such a terrible guess that another Bush presidency is just another bad idea?

Go home, Jeb!. It’s time for your family to become like the Kennedy family became once Teddy died. No more elections. No more siphoning tax dollars in the name of “civic duty.” When even your own fans can be bothered to clap for your rhetoric, it’s safe to assume your horse has left the barn, and is never, ever coming back to the ranch (I know you Bushes like to pretend you’re cowboys, so I hope you enjoyed the reference, Jeb!.)

 

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About James Schlarmann 1408 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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