Someone Ask President-Elect Fuckwit Why All The “Illegal” Votes Didn’t Get Cast In Swing States

This weekend, our Moron-Elect In Chief tweeted out a series of angry, obsessive tweets over the recount efforts that Green Party candidate Jill Stein has asked for in Wisconsin and other states. The tweets were full of lies, including the whopper that millions of illegal votes were cast. Presumably, Trump wanted to imply they were all cast for Hillary Clinton, thereby making his vote count higher than hers.

You know, once you throw out all those damned dirty Mexican undocumented people’s votes.

This claim is so hilariously unfounded in truth it would normally not warrant response. But, well, we are soon to be living in the post-truth Trumpian Utopia, so at the very least we should ask ourselves the most basic questions about Trump and Company’s fact-free propagandizing spree. The good news is that in order to fully debunk this nonsense about millions of illegal votes you really only need to ask one question.

If what Alex “Fuck Boy” Jones and Donald “Literal Diarrhea In A Suit” Trump say is true, and millions of “illegal aliens” voted for Hillary Clinton in California…why?

Seriously, just stop and ask yourself what the holy living hell would be proven or accomplished by Democrats stuffing the ballot boxes in California or any other state we all knew Clinton would win handily. Sure, in New Hampshire and Virginia it would make more sense, but Trump didn’t limit his mendacious claim to those states. He specifically mentioned California, and we all know why — to delegitimize the glut of votes that Clinton got there, ensuring his popular vote loss.

In Trump Land, red states go unanimously for Trump and blue similarly go for Clinton. Of course, Trump’s own margins of victory in key states like Michigan and Wisconsin are the whole reason that recounts are warranted, and that shows that millions of Americans in every state didn’t want him to be the next president, but he doesn’t care about thinking logically. The same can obviously be said about his most loyal brown shirts — excuse me — red hats.

But why didn’t the nefarious forces at play put illegal votes into swing states like Wisconsin, Michigan, or Pennsylvania? In an contest where the Electoral College, not the popular vote (which Trump most assuredly lost no matter what his latest fever dream/tweets say) — why would Democrats rig a state like California just to run up the popular vote totals? Oh wait, I have an answer for you.

They fucking wouldn’t, and Trump, or President-Elect Fuckwit as I’ll call him from now until he is sworn in (at which point he becomes just “President Fuckwit”), is full of complete and utter dog shit to suggest otherwise.

The only thing Trump is trying to accomplish is to elevate himself over Hillary Clinton. He thinks by casting doubt on the popular vote count — and on the election in general — he’ll prove to Americans that he actually their overwhelming choice. But what the idiot clearly doesn’t realize is that in calling into question all these different states’ vote counts, he is delegitimizing his own damn victory…not that it matters. His sycophants already blindly believe that the media are all liars, that millions of undocumented people somehow magically voted without having the necessary paperwork to be registered, and that it was all done in an effort to stop Trump from winning, which he actually accomplished anyway.




Imagine the inner-workings of the mind that  simultaneously believes a massive conspiracy to subvert democracy was put in place, but that it was only put in place in states that Hillary was going to win anyway. California could go for a Republican again one day. That Republican was never going to be Trump, though. That doesn’t matter when you’re convincing people you’re about to drain the swamp. Of course, it’s being drained right into his cabinet, but what could that possibly matter to them?

All I know is that it’s going to be exhausting for as long as he’s president if every time President-Elect Fuckwit says something we have to point out just how much bullshit is contained therein. But we have to do it. Because we’ve already seen that some of his supporters simply do not care about the truth. The reason we have to keep shouting it from the rooftops is so that others don’t get swayed, and maybe, just maybe we can convince the ones that were just “taking a chance” on the orange monstrosity to turn their backs on him in four years.

We have to show, through simple logic like “Why wouldn’t they rig the states they’d need for Electoral College victory, and not the ones they could easily and safely count on?” It seems simple, but I know it’s going to seem very exhausting after a couple years.

I guess to them, Democrats and progressives are evil enough to try and subvert elections, but too dumb to pull it off? I don’t know. But hey, at least we have a complete and total fraud in the White House starting next month. Who cares that he makes up completely untrue bullshit? Who cares that he feels no compunction at all to just wing-it and say whatever idiotic thing comes to his mind?

Because, like, “Hillary’s emails” or “Killary’s body count” or whatever happy horse shit Trump Lovers gleefully swallowed to make themselves feel better about electing our oldest, least qualified, and most dangerously ill-prepared president ever.

Right?


Follow James on Twitter @JamboSchlarmbo.

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About James Schlarmann 1445 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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