The CIA & FBI Believe Putin Ordered An “Influence Campaign,” But Will Trumplodytes Ever Admit They Got Played?

Here’s what I want to know, and I think it’s pressing: What is it going to take for dyed in the wool Trumpytes to admit they were played by Russia and its president, Vladimir Putin?

For the rest of us, this tweet from ABC News will be all we need to conclude that Putin’s got his dirty, cold, calculating, murderous fingerprints all over our election.

At this point we can assume one of two things.

At the worst, we will have — in just two weeks’ time — a fully-realized puppet president. If it’s not a worst case scenario situation, then we’re faced with the idea that 62 million people voted with the will of Russia, a country with a government that jails reporters and oppresses LGBTQ+ Russians. They all wanted Trump and got Trump. Again, though, we have to be most concerned with what it’s going to take to convince people who truly think Trump is their savior — and that “fake news” is anything they don’t agree with — of the truth.

We have an enormous mountain to climb in that regard. The left didn’t do itself any favors by embracing this “fake news” business instead of labeling it what it was — propaganda. I’m a satirist. Every day I take time out of my meaningless, finite existence to make up stories about things that didn’t happen in order to make my point in a less opinionated way than some boring op-ed piece like the one you’re reading now. I don’t deny my biases, nor that I write wholesale fiction, but I’m not someone who lies to advance a cause. I write based on truth, not what I want to be the truth, which is the key difference.

But now, the right is so caught up in mocking the idea of “fake news” that they’ve started calling legitimate outlets like ABC and CBS “fake.” I’m starting to get the sinking feeling that short of having video tape of Putin handing money to Trump, or audio tape of Trump campaign officials speaking in Russian to Putin or his cronies, it’ll ever matter what evidence Trumpers see.

They’re out for blood, and the blood they want is that of all those libtards who were clamoring to take care of the poor and sick.

My good pal Manny wrote a well-sourced, weighty opinion piece yesterday in which he says that we’re in the midst of another Cold War with Russia. I can’t bring myself to put that label on it just yet myself, but after finding out that our intelligence community seems to feel really strongly that Putin ordered the attacks? I can’t really say Manny’s completely off the reservation here either, can I?

Until you provide me proof that the CIA fucked this up like they fucked-up Iraq, I’m going to go with the people whose jobs and professional reputations rely on not fucking up sensitive shit.

 

Eventually, the overwhelming sentiment on Nixon was that he had to go. Even a lot of his most strident defenders reached a point of mounting evidence where they couldn’t equivocate any longer. We need to hope we find our way to that point with Trump, because there is no denying that Putin wanted Trump. The real question is when and if Trump knew he was Putin’s preferred fuck boy, and if he worked in concert with Vlad or not.

Trump doesn’t even have the sense of honor or duty to his country that Nixon had. And Tricky Dick didn’t really care about anyone but himself, but he was convinced that being impeached and removed from office would be so bad for his legacy and the country that he did the right thing and stepped down. It would take a Herculean effort and enough evidence to fill the Grand Canyon for Paul Ryan and the rest of the Congressional Republicans to impeach him, but it’s still possible, if the evidence exists, and even the most partisan of Republican could see they put the dangerously wrong man in the Oval Office.



All I want to know at this point is what Trump knew and when he knew it. Maybe we just have an inept bumblefuck on our hands, and maybe we have a guy who puts the (tiny, orange) “dic” in “Benedict Trump.” Even if we can’t impeach this bewigged, bombastic stack of dead maggots in an expensive suit over the Russian hacking, we might just convince some of the people who voted for him to stop supporting him and demand he act like the goddamned president of his own country.

We’re in for a hell of a ride. Putin is happy no matter what because he just helped sew the seeds of mass confusion and mistrust in Americans and it was the “THESE COLORS DON’T RUN!” party that did Putin’s bidding, no less! As much as Republicans said that Putin made Obama his bitch the last eight years, who’s the kept man now? Who’s doing Putin’s bidding like a servile little puppy now?

The irony is that for generations Republicans have acted like they’re the rightful inheritors of the Founders’ vision. But does anyone think George Washington, James Madison, Tommy JayJay Jefferbone, or Benny Frankfranks would be cool with this election? Sure, they’d like his rich, white, land owner-y credentials, but if they saw the FBI and CIA reports on Putin — A FOREIGN LEADER —  ordering the influence campaign to trespass on our sovereignty, and that Putin had succeeded and gotten wish, they’d turn over a thousand times in their graves and monuments.

All I know for sure is that if the ability of this country to shake off and resist the Trump Doctrine rests on the ability of Trump’s followers seeing him — and the Russian hacking story — truthfully…well, I think this sums my feelings best.

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About James Schlarmann 1207 Articles
Comedian, writer, founding contributor of The Political Garbage Chute, holder of zero world records or lifetime achievement awards.
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