Donald J. Trump is, for lack of a better word, a ridicustupidlamefucklippedlyingxenophobicmisogynistictwuntbubble. He’s a talentless trust fund baby who has mostly just relied on bluster, hubris, and sheer vocal volume to bumble-fuck his way to the Republican nomination. He’s a national embarrassment so bad that Sarah Palin has taken up with him. Which means, of course, that every Republican in Congress from Paul Ryan to Mitch McConnell will distance themselves from him, proving that principles really do matter more than politics.
When Ryan and Trump had their little fete the other day, I’m sure some rank and file Republicans were incensed. Those Republican voters wouldn’t understand why Ryan would want to be caught dead looking like he was warming up to Trump, which clearly he is. But those same voters have only themselves to blame for their shock and dismay, because for years they have accepted the notion that everything that doesn’t come from a right-wing source is “liberal bias,” and they are the ones who have for years pretended as if allying themselves with racists, homophobes and conspiracy loons wouldn’t have massive repercussions downstream.
Well, Trump is a giant, floating, nutty turd just down the river, but if you think Republican politicians aren’t going to follow suit with the DudeBro of the House, you’re in the for the shock of your life…and you really shouldn’t be.
Politicians, after all, are humans too. They may not like what Trump means for their legacy initially, but not being in the government is far worse to them. Ironically, these self-same men and women who profess to hate government on a fundamental level, distrusting it in the extreme, are all terribly frightened of no longer having their government paycheck. So they will take one look at Trump, and then one look at the prospect of running a campaign away from their party’s nominee, and then decide, I am sure, that a little proto-fascism never hurt anyone…provided you’re white, middle-class and Christian, of course, and they will line up behind him like giddy participants in the most boring and stupid human centipede imaginable.
And look, it’s already starting to happen. They’re making deals with their own consciences and saying stupid shit like this:
Sure, sure you will Mitchy. You’ll be the one guy that can rein this orange-tinted fuckwit in. No one else has been able to, but the guy who tried for four years and failed miserably to keep Obama to a one-term presidency says he’ll be able to clue Trump into how it’s supposed to work? L-O-L, Mitch. L-O-Fuckin’-L.
Mitch isn’t the only Republican to come out in Trump’s corner already either. This piece ran in The Atlantic last month and it detailed several Republicans who have decided to back Donald. John Boehner, Bob Dole, Trent Lott, Reince Priebus and Newt Gingrich have all said they’ll vote for him.
Surely his former primary opponents, the ones who took several big potshots at him during the debate, they’d not support him right? After calling him a fraud and a liberal (gasp!), they’d never back him, right? Well, don’t tell that to Chris Christie, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, or Rick Santorum. All of them have said they’d vote for him after they all tried to convince Republican voters they were the only ones who could beat Trump.
My buddies in the
lolbertaryan libertarian movement must be thinking right now, “Sure…all those statist cucks are backing him, but Cream Dream McAwesomehair (Rand Paul to you and me) never would!” Well…avert your eyes, my neckbearded, vaping pals. Because…well…
Congressional Republicans and conservative pundits aren’t stupid, no matter how much they court uneducated people for votes. They know that Trump has an abysmal shot at actually winning in November, but they also know that if they go against him now and somehow the Dems hand defeat from the jaws of victory to him, Trump wouldn’t take kindly to their lack of support in the last few months of the campaign. They will lose any and all pretense of being shocked and aghast by Donald’s anti-Islamic or anti-immigrant rhetoric faster than the Internet can pass judgment on people for a tragedy involving a child and an endangered animal.
Hypocrisy, thy name is the Republican Party.